Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

"All that work, trying to create
 a perfect palindrome ..wasted!
DAMMIT I'M MAD !"
(Pauses)
"Hey...wait.....

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Apparently it's okay for the office to have
"casual Friday's," but "nudist Tuesday's" are
frowned upon.
How embarrassing for me.

 

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If it's 1 or 1000 sins you're still getting sent to
Hell.
So why not go for 1,000,000 sins and come
down here a legend...

 

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That moment you could pass as an Olympic
speed walker because you are racing to the
bathroom.

 

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I have a Shetland pony named Nikkie.
Last summer Nikkie was involved in a bizarre
electrolysis accident.
All her hair was removed except for her tail.
Now I rent her out to Hare Krishna family picnics.

 

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I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life
then turned around and the toilet was empty.
Needless to say I completely lost my shit ...

 

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We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared
to open my windows.
Don't want any sharks in my house.

 

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There’s no logical reason for shorts to be the
same price as pants.

 

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Dad: There's no use crying over spilled milk son.
Me: But dad it was tequila!
Dad: What!? *cries immensely*

 

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I would like to give thanks to the brave men
and women who died a long time ago tasting
which plants were edible and which plants
were not.

 

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