••
♥
A goose without feathers is down on its pluck.
••
After living in Shanghai for 50 years a Chinese
man decides to move to Australia.
He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa.
A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie
neighbour decides to go across and welcome
the New guy to the region.
He goes next door but on his way up the
drive-way he sees the Chinese man running
around his Front yard chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt any Chinese custom,
he decides to put the welcome on hold for the
day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just
as he is about to knock on the front door,
he looks through the window and sees the
Chinese man urinate into a glass and then
drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another Chinese custom,
he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet
another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go,
but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese
man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause,
and then put an ear next to the bull's bum.
The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes
up to the Chinese man and says, 'Jeez Mate,
what the hell is it with your Chinese customs ?
I come over to welcome you to the
neighbourhood, and see you running around the
yard after hens.
The next day you are pissing in a glass and
drinking it, and then today you have your head
so close to that bull's arse, it could just about
shit on you.'
The Chinese man is very taken back and says,
' Sorry sir, you no understand..
These no Chinese customs I doing, these
Australian Customs.''
What do you mean mate' says the Aussie,
'Those aren't Australian customs................
'Yes they are', replied the Chinese man, 'travel
agent man say to become true blue Australian,
I must learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen
to bull shit.'
man decides to move to Australia.
He buys a small piece of land near Mt Isa.
A few days after moving in, the friendly Aussie
neighbour decides to go across and welcome
the New guy to the region.
He goes next door but on his way up the
drive-way he sees the Chinese man running
around his Front yard chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt any Chinese custom,
he decides to put the welcome on hold for the
day.
The next day, he decides to try again, but just
as he is about to knock on the front door,
he looks through the window and sees the
Chinese man urinate into a glass and then
drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another Chinese custom,
he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet
another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go,
but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese
man leading a bull down the drive-way, pause,
and then put an ear next to the bull's bum.
The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes
up to the Chinese man and says, 'Jeez Mate,
what the hell is it with your Chinese customs ?
I come over to welcome you to the
neighbourhood, and see you running around the
yard after hens.
The next day you are pissing in a glass and
drinking it, and then today you have your head
so close to that bull's arse, it could just about
shit on you.'
The Chinese man is very taken back and says,
' Sorry sir, you no understand..
These no Chinese customs I doing, these
Australian Customs.''
What do you mean mate' says the Aussie,
'Those aren't Australian customs................
'Yes they are', replied the Chinese man, 'travel
agent man say to become true blue Australian,
I must learn chase chicks, drink piss, and listen
to bull shit.'
••
If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!"
and walk faster.
and walk faster.
••
If aliens are watching our planet and they see
me cleaning out all of the piss and poop
from the 10 litter pans as our 9 cats joyfully sit
and watch...
I'm sure they have to wonder who the hell is
really in charge down here.
me cleaning out all of the piss and poop
from the 10 litter pans as our 9 cats joyfully sit
and watch...
I'm sure they have to wonder who the hell is
really in charge down here.
••
"Now, how's he going to read that magazine all
rolled up like that?" thought the spider.
rolled up like that?" thought the spider.
••
And the Lord said unto Gus...
You will go out and get a full-time job and also
donate 10 hours a week to the community
service of your choice.
And Gus did sayeth to the Lord:
But Lord, why must I do these things?
Is it to honor you, oh Lord?
And the Lord replied:
NO, Gus, it is not to honor me.
You must do these things because based on
your activity on the blog, it is clear that thou
has too much time on your hands...
You will go out and get a full-time job and also
donate 10 hours a week to the community
service of your choice.
And Gus did sayeth to the Lord:
But Lord, why must I do these things?
Is it to honor you, oh Lord?
And the Lord replied:
NO, Gus, it is not to honor me.
You must do these things because based on
your activity on the blog, it is clear that thou
has too much time on your hands...
••
I just bought my wife that amazing new lipstick
that helps women lose a lot of weight...
Superglue...
that helps women lose a lot of weight...
Superglue...
••
Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up
my camping tent inside my cubicle? No?
Then please step outside & zip the door up
behind you.
Does the employee manual say I CAN'T set up
my camping tent inside my cubicle? No?
Then please step outside & zip the door up
behind you.
••
You're an adult now.
Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it
on LinkedIn..
Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it
on LinkedIn..
••
How amazing is it that nobody in the same
Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet
as her ?
She should play the lottery too !
How amazing is it that nobody in the same
Kingdom as Cinderella , had the same sized feet
as her ?
She should play the lottery too !
••
I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling
water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
••••
