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How to stay sober during the GOP Debate drinking
games: Take a shot every time someone tells the truth..
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So I went to get my teeth cleaned, when the doc came
in I said hey doc kill any Lions lately?
He laughed!
I laughed!
Anyone know a good dentist let me know.!
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My wife can spot a tiny stain on my shirt...
from across the room but can’t see the mailbox when
she’s backing up?
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Someone asked my grandfather if he wears diapers.
My grandfather said "Depends"
On what? the guy asked.
On my ass, said my grandfather, where else?
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Honey, can we skip that wedding this weekend?
"What? Why?"
It sounds boring and there's no way that couple
makes it..
"It's OUR wedding!"
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We had random drugs testing at work today…
but couldn't decide which one was best..
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I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year…
only 13 to go..
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"I'm excited for the continental breakfast"
*sees a buffet just full of ice cubes*
"What the..."
Sign: Today's Continent is Antartica..
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[ I see a cute girl reading a novel ]
"Hi there. I couldn't help but notice-"
*points at book*
"That you support the murder of trees."
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If I can't pronounce your name after meeting you,
you will from that point forward be addressed as "bro."
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Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship
status to "single".
I fight with my parents, and don't change my status
to "orphan"..
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