••
♥
Why is the small size of a candy bar the "fun size"?
It's more fun to eat a big candy bar?
••
ATTENTION: We will be performing live power
tool identification exercises today.
This is not a drill.
••
Extreme work pressure.
An employee pulls over to the side of the road and
opens his lunch box to see whether he is going to work,
or coming back from work.
••
Just took a short nap, although I wouldn't
exactly call it a cat nap since I didn't lay on
anyone's clothes or laptop like a total a**hole.
••
My girlfriend broke up with me because
I stole her wheelchair.
It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.
••
Dear neighbor..
who mows his yard early in the morning
tomorrow, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
••
It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain.
It was more of a Domino effect....
••
All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home,
are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from
alcoholism.
••
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan
Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for
breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the
counter looked kind of exhausted.
After I gave him my order, he asked me how I
wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said
cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."
With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open
onto my plate and handed it back to me....
••
My favorite thing about camping is when
I stay home and don't.
••••
