••
♥
If Verizon didn’t want me changing my neighbor’s channels
through their windows they shouldn’t have given us all the
same remotes.
••
A recent study showed that 4 out of 5 dentists think 20%
of dentists have no idea what they're talking about.
••
California......
Do you know what happened back in 1850, in CA
California became a state.
The State had no electricity.
The State had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gun fights in the streets.
So basically, it was just like California today except the
women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands.
••
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswald!
Oswald who?
Oswald my chewing gum!
••
you know your a redneck when you fall and the first thing
you save is your beer.
••
Dad gets upset when he sees his son busy stitching a button
to the trouser.
He says "Son you are married, you have a wife for such things,
I can't believe that you still have to stitch a button to your
own pants".
Son replies, " sorry dad you are wrong, it's HER pants"
••
I was visiting New York city when I met my friend Elaine Fu
who was studying there.
We were walking around Manhattan when Fu suddenly
exclaimed, "I feel so proud of my country when I see all those
flags fluttering!"
I said, "Hey Elaine, are you not Chinese?
Why are you so proud of the American flags?"
"Haha", chuckled Elaine Fu.
"Guess you did not notice the labels!"
••
Mrs. Higgins was seated in first class of a Kingfisher Airlines
flight to LA.
She saw the cockpit door open and was surprised to see the
pilot reading a book.
She asked the air-hostess, "Why is the pilot busy reading?"
Mrs. Higgins passed out when the air-hostess replied,
"Oh, he is just preparing for his pilot's license."
••
According to reports, Americans will spend $700
million on their pets this Valentine’s Day.
Said your dog, “This is moving a little fast, what
ever happened to man’s best FRIEND?”
••
HR Consultant: "Here's my final consulting
report on your company.
I've listed all the dead-weight employees who
should be fired."
Boss: "This is the company directory."
HR Consultant: "Finding that was a huge
time-saver."
••
I'm using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early:
Eating several large curries right before bed....
••••
