••
♥
I went on vacation to China and bought a pair of shoes.
I looked on the sole and it said "Made around the corner."
••
I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty,
before I was fired for no apparent reason.
What a waste of fourteen years....
••
two blondes fell down a hole. One said,
"It's dark in here isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
••
It's amazing that no one at this swim up bar has
had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours.
••
Have to stop saying "how am i going to kill my
way out of this one" everytime there is trouble
going on, or at least not out loud.
••
Interesting story. I will now find a way to relate
your story to something in my life so I can start
talking about me again.
••
Just saw a magazine cover that said "Katy Perry
is on fire" so I bought it and they meant it as a
metaphor and this whole week is bullshit.
••
I just heard my roommate mixing some beats
except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat
throwing up.
••
I wish people's voices actually sounded the way
they do when their spouse or partner imitates
them during an argument.
••
I won't sit back and let gay people marry.
But I'll let big oil melt the icecaps because I
believe in a lil' something called freedom.
••
Why does the ad before the thing I want to watch
play with ease, but the thing I want to watch is
like, OH NO I'M FREAKING OUT BUFFER!
BUFFER!
••••
