••
♥
••
Wife: "Bad day?"
Me: "Stupidhead boss treats me like a kid."
Wife: "Now now *pats head* eat your nuggets before they get
cold."
••
Judging from the sounds in my trunk,
this guy would have had an excellent career as a
drummer.
••
I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling
up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the
backseat of my car during lunch.
••
My company just gave the janitor
the Employee of the Month Award in a big ceremony
that he spent hours cleaning up afterwards.
••
My favorite machine at the gym...
is the television.
••
My wife's been working in our garden for two solid
days now.
I never realized tomatoes required a big, six-foot-deep
hole like that.
••
OMG!! you're covered in blood! are you ok?"
[cut to me blending a tomato but I cant get the lid on properly]
you should see the other guy....
••
My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is
his dead dog back.
Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and
stick it under the tree.
••
They say don't dress for the job you have, but
for the job you want.
Still, I think I look pretty stupid waiting tables in a
spacesuit.
••
Why do you never see obese people hiding in trees?
Because they're really jolly good at it....
••••
