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♥
1. Stand in sauna
2. Add 30,000 strangers
3. Take 2 steps every 30 seconds
4. Repeat for 12 hours
Congratulations! How was Disneyworld?
••
Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are
the same ones who always refuse to eat bread...
••
Wile E Coyote: I can't get rid of this headache....
*TNT explodes*
*anvil drops on his head*
*bus flattens him*
Dr: it's probably stress-related..
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Me: I set a record for the rope climb in high school.
4-year-old: You climbed it the fastest?
My wife: He cried the most.
••
REAL ANSWERS FROM EARTH SCIENCE EXAMS...
The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants.
Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the
Atlantic.
The main problem associated with limestone aquifers is
Lyme disease.
We don't have rock salt on Guam because that forms from
from evaporation of oceans and we don't have oceans on
Guam.
Erie, Pennsylvania has no volcanoes because it's too cold there.
The most important agent of landscape formation on Guam
is greyhounds - they are intelligent.
We know that the sun is much farther away from us than the
moon is, because we can see stars between us and the sun,
but not between us and the moon.
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The Spice Girls are trying to break back into music.
Cher will be joining the group.
She'll be called Old Spice.....
••
A drunk driver is stopped for heading the wrong way on a
one-way street.
The police officer asked the driver, "Didn't you see the arrows?"
The drunk responds, "Arrows?....
I couldn't even see the Indians."
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"I'd like to make a large cash deposit"
teller: ok, how much do you have?
"Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being
pressured?"
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Movie comes on while i'm in bed: ugh I've seen this a million
times..
Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work:
oh hell yea a classic....
••
At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest
of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his
wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him
a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on
it.
A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife
has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech.
She must love you very much.”
Speaker replied,“You don’t know my wife.
The letters stand for “Keep It Short, Stupid.”
••
Many Rastafarian babies are born out of
dreadlock.
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All women want is to have a relationship with an
intelligent man.
The only problem is that intelligent men don't get
into relationships.
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In Beijing there is a wooden sculpture of the Emperor Chung.
It's titled Chung in Teak.
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