••
♥
Quarterback Tom Brady was given a new Chevy
pickup truck for being the MVP of the SuperBowl.
He wasn't at all impressed with the way the truck
handled...until he let some air out of all the tires.
••
There's nothing sadder than a bald eagle with a
combover.
••
If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go
wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.
--Paul Harvey--
••
I always knew I’d end up drunk in a gutter.
I just didn’t expect everyone around me to keep
bowling.
••
My wife said I'm the best in bed....
Damn right, I can sleep for days if necessary.
••
A nudist resort at Benares
Took a midget in all unawares.
But he made members weep
For he just couldn't keep
His nose out of private affairs.
••
Remember When...
Memory was something you lost with age...
An application was for employment...
A program was a TV show...
A cursor used profanity...
A keyboard was a piano...
A web was a spider's home...
A virus was the flu...
A CD was a bank account...
A hard drive was a long trip on the road...
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived...
And if you had a 3-inch floppy . . . You just
hoped nobody ever found out!
••
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves
at the same time he does.
••
A policeman was rushed to the hospital with
an inflamed appendix.
The doctors operated and advised him that all
was well; however, the patrolman kept feeling
something pulling at the hairs in his crotch.
Worried that it might mean a second surgery
and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he
got his energy and courage together enough to
pull his hospital gown up enough so he could
look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his pubic hair and private
parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape,
the kind that doesn't come off easily --- if at all.
Written on the tape in large black letters:
"Get well soon from the nurse in the Ford
Explorer you pulled over last week.
••
If someone you know is stressed out, be sure to
tell them they need to relax.
You'd be surprised how many people hadn't
thought of that.
••••
