••
♥
My brother came over to borrow the lawn
mower.
I told him she was still sleeping and try back in
an hour.
••
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick with his left
leg and his right leg.
At the same time.
••
The success of the "Wonder Bra" for
under-endowed women, has encouraged
the designers to come out with a bra for
over-endowed women.
It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra"...
It rounds them up and points them in the
right direction.
••
What we really need is a vaccination to protect our
children from politicians.
••
How long a minute is depends on what side of
the bathroom door you're on.
••
Best Buy will start selling solar panels in an
effort to promote energy conservation.
Best Buy says you can find the panels right next
to the 300 flat-screen TVs they leave on all day.
••
Why is herbal tea allowed to be called tea when there
isn't a single tea leaf in it?
••
A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll
in the fields when they came across a cow and a
calf rubbing noses.
"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me
want to do the same."
"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend.
"It's your cow."
••
Why is it called Meteorology when meteorologists
do not study meteors?
••
The angry wife met her husband at the door.
His breath stunk of alcohol and his face was
plastered with lipstick.
"I assume," she barked, "there is a very good
reason for you to come drifting in at six o'clock
in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."
••
I have an ape that only eats
chocolate-peanut butter candies.
That's what I get for owning a Reese's monkey.
••••
