••
♥
Until my sneezes have time to figure out their
beliefs, please stop blessing them.
••
The world's first fully computerized airliner
was ready for its maiden flight with out pilots
or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area
automatically, its doors opened automatically,
the steps came out automatically.
The passengers boarded the plane and took
their seats.
The steps retreated automatically, the doors
closed, and the airplane taxied toward the
runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman,"
a voice intoned as the airplane lifted off.
"Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully
computerised airliner.
Everything on this aircraft is run electronically.
Just sit back and relax.
Nothing can go wrong........
nothing can go wrong......
nothing can go wrong......"
••
In China today, a man harvesting rice was
attacked by another man with a small ceramic
figurine.
It was the first known case of knick-knack paddy
whack.
••
The only thing I use BING for is to search Google.
••
A close talker, a loud talker, and a cougher
walked into an elevator to punish me for not
hitting the close door button fast enough.
••
Why do I have to press one for English,
when you are going to transfer me to someone
I can't understand anyway?
••
I was sitting in the cafe yesterday ..
The waitress said Oh.. Hello weren't you sitting
here last Wednesday ?
I said Yes I was ....
Any chance of being served yet..
••
You can insult anyone you want, as long as you
end the sentence with "but in a good way".
••
The police knocked on my door this evening.
"Where were you around 8:05 last night sir?"
asked the officer.
"Funny you should ask," I replied.
"I took the girlfriend upstairs at 8 pm to make
love."
"That's true," my girlfriend shouted over, "but
god knows where he was at five past."..
••
finally, the ants are going to rise up and claim
their rightful place as masters of this wretched
planet.....
••••
