••
♥
I've drawn a comic cartoon picture of
Mohamed and signed it Kim Jong-un.
Let's see where this goes.
••
News: US President meets with Mexico President.
When asked what it's like to govern 100 million
Mexican people,
Obama said, "It can be challenging."
••
Signs that your cat is planning to kill you:
He takes notes whenever Tom and Jerry are on.
He sharpens his claws on your car's brake lines.
You wake up and find a sparrow's head in your
bed.
His ball of yarn is tied playfully into a hangman's
noose.
The droppings in his litter box spell out DEATH.
••
A cockroach’s last words to a man who is about
to kill him:
“Go ahead and kill me, You coward!
You are jealous of me because your wife is
afraid of me and NOT AFRAID OF YOU !
••
Two animal rights protesters were protesting
at the cruelty of sending pigs to a
slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.
Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose
and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly.
The two hopeless protesters were trampled to
death.
••
I always say "I was wondering when you'd find
me" when I get in my car.
That way if someone's ever in the backseat I'll
look cool as shit.
••
Q: What happens when you mix Viagra with
Mr. Clean?
A: Rise and shine.
••
Always carry a picture of your wife in your
wallet.
It will remind you of why there is no money in
there………….
••
A statistician is someone who tells you, when
you’ve got your head in the fridge and your feet
in the oven, that you’re – on average –
very comfortable.
••
I asked mom once how she knew dad was
"the one".
"Because," she replied, "DNA tests don't lie."
••
A weed scientist goes into a shop..
He asks: ”Hey, have you got any of that
inhibitor of 3-phosphoshikimate-carboxyvinyl
transferase?
Shopkeeper: ”You mean Roundup?”
Scientist: ”Yeah, that’s it.
I can never remember that dang name.”
••••
