••
♥
I went to a really tough high school.
We had our own coroner.
••
I tried reading a book about natural fertilizers
for your garden but it was full of crap.
••
A man and his wife were sitting in the living
room discussing a “Living Will”...
"Just so you know, I never want to live in a
vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw
out all the beer.
••
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way
for my wife to start a conversation.
••
I was going to buy a book on curing
procrastination but I put of until tomorrow....
or may be the day after.
••
MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!
••
“If you can't differentiate a blue collar and white
collar worker by his hands, it is callous
indifference.”
••
Why won't cannibals eat
divorced women?
Way to bitter.
••
I was in the line at Starbucks this morning..
The man getting served in front of me asked for
a mocha.
"Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas."
The guy was fuming.
"I have a mocha every morning when I come in
here!" he raged.
"I'll just have to have a latte!"
He went and sat down.
I went to the counter and said, "I'll have a large
latte too, please."
They asked me for my name.
I asked why they needed it and they told me
that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when
it was ready.
So I told them my name was Mocha.
••
I've been attending lots of seminars in my
retirement...... They're called naps.
••
Bobby getting dressed:
Sue: Purple and green don't go together.
Bobby: It works for the Joker.
Sue: My point exactly.
••••
