••
♥
Flex wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his
parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father
into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they
returned home.
"Great," Flex replied.
"Did you and your father have a good time?"
asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed
Flex excitedly, especially when one of the
animals came home at 30 to 1!"
••
Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A: Beef jerky.
••
Census Taker: 'How many children do you have?'
Woman: 'Four.'
Census Taker: 'May I have their names, please?'
Woman: 'Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George.'
Census Taker: 'Okay, that's fine.
But may I ask why you named your fourth child
George?'
Woman: 'Because we didn't want any Moe.'
••
Just figured a way to save myself from an
expensive lengthy divorce and alimony payments.
I drew and published a picture of Mohammed
eating a pork sandwich....
and signed her name to it.
••
Flex goes into the optometrist's office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist,
"I think I need my eyes checked."
She says, "You're not kidding.
This is the Ladies Room."
••
My wife said the spark between us was gone...
So, I tasered her..
••
prostitution defined...
Prostitution is the exchange of legal tender for
illegal tenderness.
••
When Tina returned from a job interview,
her boyfriend asked her how the interview went.
"Went well," said Tina, "but if I take up the job,
I won't get a vacation until I get married."
Her boyfriend said, "Never heard of a clause
like that!
What exactly did they tell you?"
Tina replied, "The application read: 'Vacation
cannot be taken until the candidate completes
her First Anniversary.'"
••
[steps off crosstrainer]
"Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee]
you like f-fitness?.... Cos I'm fitn--"
"Shall I call an ambulance?"
"Please."
••
Last night, I put up a sign at my subway train
station saying "Naked Prophet Mohammed
pictures THIS WAY".
This morning, there were 12 dead Muslims on
the live rail.
What a tragic accident...
••
Good: Your neighbor sunbathes in the nude.
Bad: She weighs 350 pounds.
Worse, you have 20-20 vision....
••••
