••
♥
Flex man rushed to hospital after mistakenly
consuming daffodil bulbs...doctors say he'll be
out in Spring.
••
Oscar-nominated actor Benedict Cumberbatch
has apologized for referring to black actors as
“colored” in a recent appearance on a U.S. talk
show.
But, on the plus side, now we’ll get to hear
Al Sharpton try to pronounce
“Benedict Cumberbatch.”
••
Our office couldn't afford a paper shredder, so
we just have a room with a pissed off badger in it
that we toss documents we don't need into.
••
Road Crossing Instructions in Syria:
"Look both right and left for cars, motorcycles,
animals and pedestrians, look up for American
drones, down for bombs and land mines, side
and back for kidnappers and suicide bombers,
hold your bags tight and watch every person near
you...then walk zigzag to avoid bullets."
••
My next door neighbor. Mohammed hasn't let
his wife out of the house since I mentioned
that I think veils are sexy.
••
There's always one of my uncles who watches
a boxing match with me and says, “Sure.
Ten million dollars.
You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him.”
As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to
see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the
face once and cry.
••
Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves.
Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson
about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.
••
If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water,
he will definitely drink.
••
This blonde buys a box of laundry detergent,
and it says on the box, “20 uses”.
A day later, she calls the laundry detergent
company and says” I bought your product and
the box says ’20 uses’, but all it does is my
laundry!
••
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport,
where two dudes hold hands.
••••
