••
♥
Difference between school and life:
School teaches you lessons and then
gives you a test. Life gives you a test
and you learn the lesson....
••
Corpus Christi, Texas, police said it was a
hit-and-gallop accident: A man crashed his truck
into the back of a car, then fled on the horse he
was pulling in the trailer.
••
I was going to get my teeth whitened, but then
I said "Dann that, I'll just get a tan instead."
••
Early one morning an elderly, retired Marine
yelled to his wife: “Honey, come see what I
created!
It’s an abstract panorama depicting the six years
of the Obama presidency.”
She yelled back: “Flush the toilet and come eat
your breakfast !"
••
Yo mama's armpit is so hairy it looks like she
has Bigfoot in a headlock.
••
An architect from Bangladesh was visiting
India.
An Indian friend of his took him home and
showed the Bangladeshi guy around the house.
"This is the living room," said the Indian guy.
"This is the dining hall, this is the store room,
this is the children's bedroom, this is the master
bedroom, this is the kitchen, the bathroom,
the lavatory" and so on...
The Bangadeshi architect commented, "I liked
the layout".
The Indian friend asked, "So, what kind of
layout do you have in Bangladeshi homes?"
The architect from Bangladesh replied, "Well,
it's pretty much the same, only there are no
partitions."
••
Friend sez;
I've got a three-year-old son.
It's like living with a crazy midget.
••
Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.
One turned to the other and said, "Hello."
The other one thought, "I wonder what he
meant by that."
••
It has been determined that having sex before
participating in athletic activity, such as a
marathon race, does not impair the athlete's
abilities.
In fact, men have known and displayed this for
centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say,
"Oops, gotta run!"
••
At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already
had at least one child the instructor raised the
question of how to break the news to an older
child.
"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you
so much that we decided to bring another child
into our family.'
"But think about that for a second. Ladies,
what if your husband came home one day and
said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to
bring home another wife.'?"
One of the women spoke up right away,
"Does she cook?"
••
About to check Facebook?
Let me save you some time.
One of your friends has updated their cover
photo to a picture of the beach.
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