••
♥
She believed me when i said concentration
camps were for people with Attention Deficit
Disorder.
••
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and
studying the wrinkles on his old face.
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the
wrinkles.
Then she touches her own face and looks more
puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God
make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her
grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago,"
answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl,
"He's sure doing a lot better job these days
isn't He?
••
If you're ever bored in a taxi I recommend
mouthing, "Help Me" to strangers and watching
their facial expressions.....
••
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit
gets all the credit.
••
A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in
hand, spearing futilely atthe olive in her drink.
A dozen times the olive eluded her.
Finally,another patron, who had been watching
intently from the next stool, became exasperated
and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily
skewered the olive.
"Big Deal," muttered the blonde.
"I already had him so tired out, hecouldn't get
away."
••
If you could switch genders for one day what
would you do?
Men: play with my boobs....
Women: WALK AROUND AT NIGHT WITH
HEADPHONES IN....
••
The factory foreman inspected the shipment of
crystal vases leaving the plant, and approached
his new packer.
He put his arm around the man’s shoulder and
said, “Well, Ole, I see you did what I asked.
Stamped the top of each box, ‘This Side Up,
Handle With Care.’”
“Yes sir,” the worker replied.
“And just to make sure, I stamped it on the
bottom too.”
••
Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to
uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
••
A woman reported the disappearance of her
husband to the police.
The officer looked at the guy's photograph,
questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to
give her husband any message if they found him.
"Yes, please," she replied.
"Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
••
“Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric
- he only knows feet.”
••••
