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♥
Womannomics;
The branch of economics that applies to women.
For example: When a woman buys something she
doesn't need for 50% off, she uses the money she
saved to take her girl friends to lunch.
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Elections belong to the people.
It's their decision.
If they decide to turn their back on the fire
and burn their behinds,
then they will just have to sit on their blisters.”
--Abraham Lincoln--
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One day little jonny and his sister sally stop in
front of the bakery.
Jonny is pulling Sally in their little red wagon.
Cutest damn thing you've ever seen!
They get out of the wagon and are pressing their
noses against the glass drooling over the
doughnuts.
The baker opens the door, they walk in and stand
at the counter.
Little Jonny is holding a Shiny New Nickle in his
hand.
The bakers asks "What can I get for you today
kids"
Little Jonny sez " How much is them long
doughnuts with the chocolate icing and sprinkles
on em?
"Oh The long johns " Says the baker..Seeing the
Nickle in Jonny's hand, he says "well for you
today they are 5 cents"
"GREAT" says Little Jonny as he pulls out a
dollar bill from his pocket, I'LL take 20 of em"
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Men can be right sometimes too...
I think........ Let me ask the missus.
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For Halloween, a woman in Vermont is handing
out kale to trick-or-treaters.
If you're in Vermont and you want to stop by,
look for the house that's been set on fire.
-Conan O'Brien
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Happy Halloween...
or as retailers call it, Christmas Eve.
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If you drink, don't drive.
Don't even putt."
-- Dean Martin
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Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate.
We actually talked to each other...it was awful.
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A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a
lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of
a river, fishing.
He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing
and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't
swim, and runs down to the bank.
Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To withdraw all his money from his savings
account?"
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I dont pretend to be anything I'm not...
except for sober, I've pretended to be sober a
few times.
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Doctor is worried about my high blood pressure.
I told him, "next time, don't leave me sitting in
the waiting room for two hours".
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I'm really good at multitasking
as long as I don't have to do anything else at
the same time.
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I yelled at my wife "Your miniskirt is way too
short!!"
"Thats because its made for a woman" she replied
"Now take it off & give it to me...
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Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to
unforeseen circumstances.
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The teacher, during an English lesson,
asked her students: "Now tell me, what do you
call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?"
Little Johnny, in the back row, raised his hand.
"Yes, Johnny," said the teacher
"A teacher!"
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I love my children as much as anybody in here.
I let them watch TV and stuff -- when I let them
out of the shed.
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