••
♥
"Research is the process of going up alleys
to see if they are blind."
••
I was traveling with my wife in Kanyakumari,
India, one of the windiest places on Earth.
Braving our way through the crosswind, we
made our way to the tollbooth where I asked a
bespectacled attendant, "What do you guys do
in Kanyakumari when the wind quits?"
Adjusting his rims, the guy answered,
"We take the rocks out of our pockets."
••
I was offering free mammograms in the
company parking lot long before my employer
was doing it.
••
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one
night.
The waiter tells them the night's special is
chicken almondine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that,"
the woman says.
The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
••
"Being a woman is a terribly difficult task
since it consists principally in dealing with men."
••
A local farmer used to hire local ladies and teens
to hoe weeds in the fields.
He paid generously so my wife went to work
along with several of her friends to make some
extra income.
When asked by my coworkers if my wife worked
and what did she do, I simply replied she was a
hoer.
I didn't know until some years later, learned
just prior to the divorce proceedings, that my
description of her job title was correct,
but I was spelling it wrong.
••
I trick people that I know Spanish by quoting
fragments of Spanish songs I know, la bamba.
••
"Welcome to money management.
Have you all paid your $200 entrance fee?"
"Yes"
"Excellent, never give money to strangers.
Class dismissed"
••
I recently helped my wife stop smoking.
It took 3 buckets of water but she's finally out
now.
••
You need to get a life outside of the internet.
Go outside, look around.
I'm sure trailer parks smell lovely in the morning.
••
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer"
since she is always right...
••••
