••
♥
My friend is so stupid......
He ordered sushi well done....
••
Last night I slept alone for the first the in 3 years,
thanks to the exterminator.
••
Three animals, a hawk, a lion, and a skunk, are
arguing about which is the most fearsome.
The hawk says it's the most fearsome as it's the
fastest.
The lion says it's the most fearsome because it's
the strongest.
The skunk says it's the most fearsome as it's the
worst smelling.
Just then a bear came along and swallowed them
all: hawk, lion and stinker.
••
I couldn't believe it when I got home from work
tonight and didn't hear the smoke alarm.
I've got salad for dinner again.
••
My Theory of Relativity:
Time moves more slowly when you are with
your relatives.
••
You know it was some good pot when you're
eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says,
'Put your clothes on', and you realize it's not
your girlfriend, it's some woman on the bus.
••
I wish my new girlfriend and I could try some
different sex positions.
But the last time I untied her, she almost got
away....
••
"Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory!"
"When did this happen?"
"When did what happen?"
••
I see Tennessee is bringing back the electric
chair due to a shortage of lethal injection drugs.
They really do fry everything in the South.
••
The first time I sang in the church choir,
98 people changed their religion.
••
Friend said I should try new KFC sandwich.
I suggested we cut out the middleman & hook
me up to an IV of chicken fat.
••••
