••
♥
The Weather Channel has issued a travel
warning due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone travelling in the
current icy conditions should make sure they
have the following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Torch or lantern with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Petrol Can
First Aid Kit
Jump Leads
(I looked sorta funny on the bus this morning!)
••
Got an e-mail today from a bored local
housewife, 43 who was looking for some hot
action!
So I sent her my ironing.
That’ll keep the her busy.
••
Representative Tim Moore sponsored a
resolution in the Texas House of
Representatives in Austin, Texas calling on the
House to commend Albert de Salvo for his
unselfish service to "his country, his state and
his community."
The resolution stated that "this compassionate
gentleman's dedication and devotion to his
work has enabled the weak and the lonely
throughout the nation to achieve and maintain
a new degree of concern for their future.
He has been officially recognized by the state
of Massachusetts for his noted activities and
unconventional techniques involving population
control and applied psychology."
The resolution was passed unanimously.
Representative Moore then revealed that he
had only tabled the motion to show how the
legislature passes bills and resolutions often
without reading them or understanding what
they say.
Albert de Salvo was the Boston Strangler.
••
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to
kill.
Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack
wasn't what they had in mind.
••
Mom: I'm on my way home have you finished
cleaning your room?
Me: Yeah,I did it an hour ago *starts cleaning
while on phone*
••
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main
gate.
His orders were clear.
No car was to enter unless it had a special
sticker on the windshield.
A big Army car came up with a general seated
in the back.
The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, a corporal, says,
"General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through.
You've got to have a sticker on the windshield."
The general said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come
through.
I have orders to shoot if you try driving in
without a sticker."
The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son,
drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window and
said, "General, I'm new at this.
Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
••
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Jim woke up to find
himself next to a really ugly woman.
That’s when he realized he had made it home
safely.
••
''Everything is changing.
People are taking their comedians seriously
and the politicians as a joke.'' —Will Rogers
••
The less people you chill with, the less
problems you deal with....
••
A lady who was known as Churchill's main
rival in parliament was giving a speech.
Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his
rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking.
She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston
by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while
I talk?" Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am.
I do so purely by choice."
••••
