Well...coldest morning so far....
I'm reading 12.4º this morning.....
Partly sunny today... Highs in the mid 30s.
Southwest winds around 5 mph....
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"Hi. This is the President.
Is Senator Lieberman in?"
"Not today, Sir..... This is Yom Kippur."
"Well, hello, Yom. Can I leave a message?"
Is Senator Lieberman in?"
"Not today, Sir..... This is Yom Kippur."
"Well, hello, Yom. Can I leave a message?"
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What's the job application to Hooters?
They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.
They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.
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I was at the gas station filling the tank on my car when I look up to
see my brother in law, also filling up his tank.
Needless to say, the pump on his end was slightly malfunctioning,
as it didn't stop when the tank was full.....
it splashed out when he overfilled it and it covered his hand.
He went in to pay for his gas and came back out while his girlfriend
was chewing him out "How could you be so stupid?"
He got mad and proceeded to light up a cigarette.
Predictably, his hand and arm immediately ignited.
He was sticking his arm out the open window frantically attempting
to put out the flames.
I yanked off my jacket, threw it on him and put the fire out,
then I called 911 for the burns on his hand and arm.
The ambulance came and treated his burns and the police later
arrested him.
His court hearing took place last week.
He was found guilty of one count of waving a firearm in public.
see my brother in law, also filling up his tank.
Needless to say, the pump on his end was slightly malfunctioning,
as it didn't stop when the tank was full.....
it splashed out when he overfilled it and it covered his hand.
He went in to pay for his gas and came back out while his girlfriend
was chewing him out "How could you be so stupid?"
He got mad and proceeded to light up a cigarette.
Predictably, his hand and arm immediately ignited.
He was sticking his arm out the open window frantically attempting
to put out the flames.
I yanked off my jacket, threw it on him and put the fire out,
then I called 911 for the burns on his hand and arm.
The ambulance came and treated his burns and the police later
arrested him.
His court hearing took place last week.
He was found guilty of one count of waving a firearm in public.
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How do you kill a group of circus clowns?
Go for the juggler!
Go for the juggler!
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A little boy asked his mother....
"Mommy, may I go swimming in the ocean?"
"Sorry, honey.
The water's too rough and there's a dangerous undertow.
Plus, this part of the coast in notorious for jellyfish and sharks,"
she explained.
The little boy persisted, "But Daddy's out there swimming in the
ocean."
"Well, yes, but your daddy has excellent life insurance," she answered.
"Mommy, may I go swimming in the ocean?"
"Sorry, honey.
The water's too rough and there's a dangerous undertow.
Plus, this part of the coast in notorious for jellyfish and sharks,"
she explained.
The little boy persisted, "But Daddy's out there swimming in the
ocean."
"Well, yes, but your daddy has excellent life insurance," she answered.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.
He said okay, you're ugly too.
He said okay, you're ugly too.
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When my daughter asked about two look-alike classmates
at her school, I told her that were probably twins.
The next day, she came home from school all excited and
said, "Guess what? They are not only twins, they're brothers!"
at her school, I told her that were probably twins.
The next day, she came home from school all excited and
said, "Guess what? They are not only twins, they're brothers!"
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A guy ordered a thin & crispy Supreme from the
local pizza store. They sent him Diana Ross.
local pizza store. They sent him Diana Ross.
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A wife asked her husband to pick up some organic vegetables
on his way home from work, but he couldn't locate them in the
produce section at the market.
He approached an elderly store employee and said, "These are for
my wife.
Are there any poisonous chemicals sprayed on them?"
"No sir," the man answered..... "You'll have to do that yourself."
on his way home from work, but he couldn't locate them in the
produce section at the market.
He approached an elderly store employee and said, "These are for
my wife.
Are there any poisonous chemicals sprayed on them?"
"No sir," the man answered..... "You'll have to do that yourself."
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Todays Thought:
"That action is best which accomplishes the greatest
happiness for the greatest numbers."
happiness for the greatest numbers."
Rae's Trivia....
All the genetic material in the sperm and egg cells that produced
the Earth’s present population could fit into a space the size of
an aspirin.
the Earth’s present population could fit into a space the size of
an aspirin.
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