Good Morning...
Today we're having Sunny weather...
Highs in the mid 40s.
West winds 15 to 20 mph with gusts up to 40 mph.
☼
☼
☼
♥♥♥
Parsimony: when someone cheats at golf and then
bribes a priest for forgiveness.
☼
You might be a redneck if...
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
On stag night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guest house.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
There is more oil in your cap than in your car.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
A full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
Your secret family recipe is illegal.
☼
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
☼
You're At A Lame New Year's Eve Party if-
1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and
pick-pocketed..
2. The 'Party Hats' look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones..
3. There's a "Happy 1995" sticker on the packete of shrimp you've
been eating all night..
4. It's January 6th..
5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm..
6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000..
7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle
Earl's pants drop..
8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom..
9. The 'Champagne' tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with
Alka Seltzer..
1. To give it a Times Square feel, everyone is groped, fondled and
pick-pocketed..
2. The 'Party Hats' look suspiciously like stolen traffic cones..
3. There's a "Happy 1995" sticker on the packete of shrimp you've
been eating all night..
4. It's January 6th..
5. Prison regulations require lights out at 10:00 pm..
6. The guests have decided to start the midnight countdown at 10,000..
7. At midnight everyone gathers around to watch your Uncle
Earl's pants drop..
8. You hear a guy doing a count down before using the bathroom..
9. The 'Champagne' tastes suspiciously like apple juice mixed with
Alka Seltzer..
☼
yo momma so fat
she has a tattoo of hulk hogan on her butt cheek..... a life size one.
she has a tattoo of hulk hogan on her butt cheek..... a life size one.
☼
Max went into the doctor's office for his annual checkup, and the
Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.
So Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year,
because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet.
You probably put on a few pounds."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since
the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Max.
"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers."
Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.
So Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last year,
because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet.
You probably put on a few pounds."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since
the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Max.
"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers."
☼
One evening a preschooler and her parents were sitting on the couch
chatting.
She turned to her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the
house, right?"
Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house."
The little girl added "'Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh, Daddy?"
chatting.
She turned to her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the
house, right?"
Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house."
The little girl added "'Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh, Daddy?"
☼
I need to remember Not to wear a red shirt the next time I go
shopping at target.
So many people bugged me that I forgot what I went in there for.
However, I did manage to sell three computers and a flat screen TV.
shopping at target.
So many people bugged me that I forgot what I went in there for.
However, I did manage to sell three computers and a flat screen TV.
☼
What is the difference between a person buying a lottery ticket and
a man arguing with his wife?
The ticket buyer has some chance of winning!
a man arguing with his wife?
The ticket buyer has some chance of winning!
☼
☼
Todays Thought;
The universe is a pretty big space.
It's bigger than anything anyone has ever dreamed of before.
So, if it's just us, seems like an awful waste of space, right? - Carl Sagan
It's bigger than anything anyone has ever dreamed of before.
So, if it's just us, seems like an awful waste of space, right? - Carl Sagan
Rae's Trivia.....
Long ago, when chickens were wild, roosters crowed so loudly
to attract a mate that they were in danger of being pounced on
by a predator.
To avoid being seen, they began to do most of their crowing
when the light was dim - early morning and late afternoon.
Today roosters still crow most at those two times.
to attract a mate that they were in danger of being pounced on
by a predator.
To avoid being seen, they began to do most of their crowing
when the light was dim - early morning and late afternoon.
Today roosters still crow most at those two times.
No comments:
Post a Comment