Did you ever have a day where everything
you do turns to crap??
Well, yesterday was my turn....
Hopefully...... It's changed today........
Todays weather: Mostly sunny. Highs in the lower 50s.
South winds 5 to 10 mph.
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Dump in comfort......
Gotta go.... my ride is here......
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♥♥♥
Ode to cranky old men.......
chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall.
I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cranky
I didn't understand.
Just why he looked at ME that way
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
Was more than I could see
Until I came to realize
That cranky man was ME!
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American
friend and was jokingly explaining about the red,
white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
"We get red when we talk about them, white when we get
our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said,
"only we see stars, too."
friend and was jokingly explaining about the red,
white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said.
"We get red when we talk about them, white when we get
our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said,
"only we see stars, too."
Funny observation....
Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five
minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes,
I'll be leaving the bar soon after me and my buddies
have Just one more beer" are exactly the same?
Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five
minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes,
I'll be leaving the bar soon after me and my buddies
have Just one more beer" are exactly the same?
It was my dads 75th birthday yesterday....
and its really starting to show.
He used to have a tattoo of a cheetah on his chest,
it's now a giraffe....
and its really starting to show.
He used to have a tattoo of a cheetah on his chest,
it's now a giraffe....
Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying,
you lost the whole instrument panel..
Pete; “My new horse is very well-mannered.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yes, isn’t it? Every time we come to a jump he stops
and lets me go first!”
“That’s nice.”
“Yes, isn’t it? Every time we come to a jump he stops
and lets me go first!”
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says,
"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.
"Sir" replied the doctor, "You're 97.
Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head."
"You're darned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"
"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.
"Sir" replied the doctor, "You're 97.
Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head."
"You're darned right it is!" replied the old man.
"That's why I want it lowered!"
Eight year old Jenny brought her report card home from
school.
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Jenny is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.
She talks too much in school.
I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break
her of the habit."
Jenny's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the
back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Jenny
because I would like to try it out on her mother.
school.
Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
"Jenny is a smart little girl, but she has one fault.
She talks too much in school.
I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break
her of the habit."
Jenny's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the
back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Jenny
because I would like to try it out on her mother.
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there?
A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her
husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the
kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking
for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset
about something.
"What's the problem, darling?......
Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the
morning, and it worked!"
"Then what's the matter?
Were there a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs.
It worked, and it worked perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little
nap, just for a few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well?
Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well...
with my head on the backspace key."
husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the
kitchens.
When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking
for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset
about something.
"What's the problem, darling?......
Didn't your program work?"
"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the
morning, and it worked!"
"Then what's the matter?
Were there a lot of bugs in it?"
"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs.
It worked, and it worked perfectly!"
"So what's wrong?"
"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little
nap, just for a few minutes."
"Did you not sleep well?
Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.
"No, I slept perfectly well...
with my head on the backspace key."
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a
lethal weapon.
His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over
50 states.
lethal weapon.
His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over
50 states.
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be
nice to bring his wife a little gift.
“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
“That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00.
“That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00
bottle.
“What I mean,” said Tim, “is I’d like to see something
really cheap.”
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
nice to bring his wife a little gift.
“How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics
clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
“That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00.
“That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00
bottle.
“What I mean,” said Tim, “is I’d like to see something
really cheap.”
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
Todays Thought:
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today,
because by that time there will be a tax on it.
because by that time there will be a tax on it.
Okay...Rae's turn...Trivia...
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand
years before Rome was founded in 753 BC,
making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in
existence.
years before Rome was founded in 753 BC,
making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in
existence.
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