Well, I'm glad this weekend is over...
Todays weather: Sunny..... Highs in the lower 50s.
Southwest winds 10 to 15 mph with gusts up to 25 mph.
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A cup of critter..?
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What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Black mail.............
Black mail.............
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Petewete was having great difficulty getting along with his wife,
nothing but arguing and friction. ?
So he decided to consult a marriage counselor.
After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, ?I suggest that
you run five miles each day for a week.
Then please call me back.?
A week later the counselor received a call from Petewete. ?
Well,? asked the counselor, "how are things going with you and your
wife?"
How should I know said Petewete....... I'm thirty-five miles away.
nothing but arguing and friction. ?
So he decided to consult a marriage counselor.
After they had talked for a while, the counselor said, ?I suggest that
you run five miles each day for a week.
Then please call me back.?
A week later the counselor received a call from Petewete. ?
Well,? asked the counselor, "how are things going with you and your
wife?"
How should I know said Petewete....... I'm thirty-five miles away.
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The stories from ER:
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one.
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby
in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,
and I was in the wrong one.
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It was very crowded and noise in this Restaurant and this blond girl
asks the waiter where the restroom was.
asks the waiter where the restroom was.
And he says: -
I can’t hear you!
So she gets close to his ear and asks again: - Can you please tell me
where the ladies room is?
And he replies: - On the other side!
So she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks:-
Can you please tell me where the ladies room is, please!
And he answers: - On the other side!
I can’t hear you!
So she gets close to his ear and asks again: - Can you please tell me
where the ladies room is?
And he replies: - On the other side!
So she turns around and gets close to his other ear, and asks:-
Can you please tell me where the ladies room is, please!
And he answers: - On the other side!
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Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the
elegant home of an older couple.
Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported
carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up
after their pets.
One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying
on the floor beside the bookcase.
I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf.
The next week the same thing happened.
That afternoon my employer came into the parlor,
her faithful canine behind her.
Looking around, she eyed the bookcase.
“Tippy,” she asked the dog, “how do your bones keep
getting up there?”
Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the
elegant home of an older couple.
Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported
carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up
after their pets.
One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying
on the floor beside the bookcase.
I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf.
The next week the same thing happened.
That afternoon my employer came into the parlor,
her faithful canine behind her.
Looking around, she eyed the bookcase.
“Tippy,” she asked the dog, “how do your bones keep
getting up there?”
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Things are getting so bad around my place that the repo men just
took my walker.
It's OK he can't use it as I kept the key!!!
took my walker.
It's OK he can't use it as I kept the key!!!
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Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that
roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.
roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone.
This has been recorded by historians as the worst
mistake anyone has ever made.
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Sam: “Gosh what happened to your car?”
Sid: “Oh, my wife banged it up when she backed it out
of the garage.”
Sam: “How can that have caused that much damage?”
Sid: “I had backed it into the garage.”
Sid: “Oh, my wife banged it up when she backed it out
of the garage.”
Sam: “How can that have caused that much damage?”
Sid: “I had backed it into the garage.”
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A safety check would reveal that there isn't a grocery store shopping
cart that doesn't have all four wheels working.
Unfortunately, however, all four are locked in stable directions.
Three wheels want to shop, and the fourth wheel wants to go to
the parking lot.
cart that doesn't have all four wheels working.
Unfortunately, however, all four are locked in stable directions.
Three wheels want to shop, and the fourth wheel wants to go to
the parking lot.
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A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the
afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had
disappeared.
The somewhat irate spouse called her mate's cell phone and
demanded: "Where the hell are you?"
Husband: "Darling you remember that jewelry shop where
you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with
it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be
yours one day?"
Wife, with a smile blushing: "Yes, I remember that my Love."
Husband: "Well, I'm in the bar next to that shop."
afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had
disappeared.
The somewhat irate spouse called her mate's cell phone and
demanded: "Where the hell are you?"
Husband: "Darling you remember that jewelry shop where
you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with
it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be
yours one day?"
Wife, with a smile blushing: "Yes, I remember that my Love."
Husband: "Well, I'm in the bar next to that shop."
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Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.
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Todays Thought:
"Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity.
I say let your affairs be as one, two, three and to a hundred or a
thousand.
We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without."
- Henry David Thoreau
I say let your affairs be as one, two, three and to a hundred or a
thousand.
We are happy in proportion to the things we can do without."
- Henry David Thoreau
Rae's Trivia....
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates formed a company to sell a computerized
traffic counting system to cities, which made $20,000 its first year.
Business dropped sharply when customers learned that Gates was
only 14 years old.
traffic counting system to cities, which made $20,000 its first year.
Business dropped sharply when customers learned that Gates was
only 14 years old.
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