# 1,422

Good Morning. friends....

I have to cut back because of cost...

using way to much space on wifi...

So I will do what I can....

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 So todays weather...

Partly sunny. Highs in the lower 70s.

Southwest winds 10 to 15 mph with gusts up to 25 mph.

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Ready to parteeee?

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♥♥♥

~  A woman in The Dollar Store sees a deal,
offering 5 boxes of Tampax for a buck.
She can't believe how good the deal is and asks the
manager, "Is that price correct?"
 "Sure is," says the manager, "It's a special offer,
5 boxes for a dollar and there are no strings attached!"

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~  Went to a somali resturant last night.
Was seated in a sand pit with a large heater above me
and a small plane flew over and dropped a care package
in my lap.

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~  I went to a Korean restaurant last night....
Halfway through my meal I found a big bone in my food,
so I called the waiter over and complained.
 He said, "I do apologize sir, I thought the bone had
been removed, along with the rubber ball & squeeky toy".

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  ~  Difference Between Heaven & Hell...
In heaven:
The Germans are the mechanics
The Italians are the cooks
The English are the police
In hell:
The Italians are the mechanics
The English are the cooks
The Germans are the police

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*  A blonde woman from a small town was walking
through the woods late one Sunday afternoon when she
was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high
branches of a tree.
 “Helllllp!” he cried when he spotted her.
“What are you doing up there?” the blonde called back.
“I was skydiving and my parachute didn’t open!”
The blonde rolled her eyes.
“Well, of course it didn’t. ANYBODY can tell you that
around here *nothing* opens on a Sunday!”

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*  A waiter asks a man 'May I take your order, sir?
'Yes,' the man replies.
'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your
chickens?'
'Nothing special, sir.....
We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'

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Todays Thought;

  "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to
test a man's character, give him power." - Abraham Lincoln

Rae's Trivia......

When commercial telephone service was introduced
between New York and London in 1927,
the first three minutes of a call cost $75.00.

▲~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~▲

Good Morning, Friends.....
Mostly sunny, Today......
fog in the morning. Isolated showers and
thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Highs in the upper 70s.
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♥♥♥

~  Reaching back to the Regan days in office....
Barack Obama has reportedly started holding a weekly
séance in the Oval Office.
So far, he has only managed to channel Jimmy Carter.

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~ A famous speaker said “The best years of my life
were spent in the arms of a beautiful woman who wasn’t
my wife!”
 Audience was shocked.
The speaker added: “that woman was my mother!”
(Laughter and Applause)
Pete tried it at his home.
 He said loudly to his wife, “The greatest years of my life
were spent in the arms of a very beautiful woman who
was not my Wife!”
 Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the
second half of the joke, he finally said “…
and I can’t remember who she was!”
and he regained his consciousness in a hospital bed.

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~    Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife,
43, who was looking for some hot action!
So I sent her my ironing.
That'll keep her busy.

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 ~    Did you hear about the...
* Brake company on the skids?
* Bra manufacturers that went bust?
* Surgeon who was forced to take a cut in his salary?
* Cigarette company that went up in smoke?
* Baker who was short of dough?
* Refrigerator manufacturer that had it's assets frozen?
* Corset firm that felt the squeeze?
* Upholsterers that couldn't cover their costs?
* Adhesive tape company that got into a sticky situation?
* Tennis ball manufacturer that ended up in court?
* Downfall of the bungee suppliers?
* The train company that went off the rails?
* The ship building company that sunk?
* The dental practice that was rotten to its roots?

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~  The New York Times, among other papers,
recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope
photograph of distant galaxies colliding.
 Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding
galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly
improved resolution provided by the Hubble,
you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

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 ~  So the government is cutting the number of
people who work in unemployment centers.
Oh well, at least they'll still get to go to the office once
a week.

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~  My son suffers from Autism and spends most of the
day thinking he's a pigeon.
I know you shouldn't laugh, but it is funny when he
shits all over the neighbours car.

Todays thought:

Don't part with your illusions.
When they are gone you may still exist,
but you have ceased to live. - Mark Twain
 

Rae's Trivia....

Iceberg lettuce got it's name from the fact that California
 growers started shipped it covered with heaps of
crushed ice in the 1920s.
It had previously been called Crisphead lettuce.
Iceberg lettuce is 90% water and has very little flavor,
and almost no nutrients.

 

Good Morning, everyone....
Partly sunny today, with showers...
Maybe a thunderstorm....
Fact is I hear thunder right now....
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Care for a Bologna and egg biscuit..?

I love these.....

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One way to keep your cat home......

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So thats were my booze went......

You can't trust cats....

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I love watching these guys... makes it look easy....

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"Who turned the lights off.??

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Well, I gotta go....

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♥♥♥

~  How the fight started
Wife: "Let's go out tonight and have some fun."
Husband: "Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the light on for me!"

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~  They say so many people die because of alcohol..
Perhaps they never realized how many of them are born
because of it.

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~  When you drink Vodka over ice, it can give you
kidney failure,
When you drink Rum over ice, it can give you liver failure,
 When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems,
When you drink Gin over ice, it can give you brain
problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.
Warn all your friends.............

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~  A father told a friend how he had stopped his son
from being late to school. 
"I bought him a car" he explained. 
"Now he has to get there early to find a parking place.

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~  A man goes to this Mexican Restaurant
and orders red-hot chicken fajitas.
Of course he pays for it the next day with guts on fire
and wind like Satan's breath.
 The problem is there's a woman he's liked for ages and
he' s taking her out for a drive in the country that day.
 He picks her up and all's going well except he's having
to hold all his pumped up gas in and he's starting to
feel like he'll explode.
 Eventually he decides he'll have to let one go and tries
to let it slip out quietly but misjudges and it comes out
a real rip-snorter with a stink to match.
 She coughs and sputters and puts the window down
while he sits there feeling mortally embarrassed.
 By now there's an uncomfortable silence which he's
trying desperately to fill.
Eventually, thinking to ask her about current affairs he
asks "Have you seen today's paper?" to which she
replies "No, but if you stop by those bushes over there
I'm sure you'll find some leaves!"

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Todays thought:

* What is written without effort, is in general read
without pleasure. - Samuel Johnson

Rae's Trivia....

Mark Twain reportedly had a habit of omitting
punctuation in his manuscripts.
His frustrated editor insisted that he insert the proper
marks.
The author responded by sending him a page filled
with punctuation marks, with a note, "Put them in
wherever they seem to fit."
The editor never complained again."

 

Showers likely with a chance of thunderstorms.
Highs in the upper 70s. South winds 5 to 10 mph.
Chance of rain 70 percent.
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Hey, Pete..outta eggs but I got the  Bologna....

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Going Hunting after the Prom??

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Bath time...

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It might be poop to you, but it's their bread and butter.....

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And they bite......

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What can I say?

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Have a great day.....

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♥♥♥

~  The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
a woman began screaming.
You've got to help me!
There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling
apples off the tree with its tail!"
"What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked.
"If I told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe
me!"

~  A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the
arrival of her first child.
When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had
arrived, the nurse said it had.
 I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was
against hospital policy to give this information over the
phone.
 “Fine,” I said.
“I can understand that.
But can you tell me what she didn’t have?”
 “It wasn’t a boy,” came the reply.

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~  “I’d like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond,
Virginia,” the young man said to the 411 operator.
 “There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in
Richmond, Virginia,” the operator said.
“Do you have a street name?”
 The young man hesitated a moment,

 “Well, uh, most people call me Bubba.”
 

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~  Couple quickies....
Q. Where can men over 50 find younger sexy women
who are interest in them?
 A. Try a bookstore under fiction!
 Q. How can you increase the heart rate of your 50+ year
old husband?
 A. Tell him you're pregnant!

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~  After the first take off of the fully automatic airplane,
the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of
the pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic
pilot.
In my modern and carefully tested system an error is
absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible,
absolutely impossible......."

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Todays thought:

 * Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you
like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

Rae's Trivia.......

Gunpowder was not invented by any one;
It was the lineal successor of the Greek fire, which, like
itself, was composed of sulfur and saltpeter.

Good Morning Friends....
Mostly cloudy with a chance of showers. Today..
A chance of thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Highs in the upper 70s.... Chance of rain 30 percent.
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Good lookin pancakes this morning?

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I think it's time to clean out your keyboard....

Pete....

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Are you comfortible??

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To each his own....Bubba......

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Cool lookin bike rack....Huh?

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Oh, My... thts what he is......

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Well I got the tires changed...

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♥♥♥

~  A Greene county carpenter was driving through
northern California's apple country.
He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner,
"How much are yer apples?"
"All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.
"Okay," said the Virginian.
"I'll take two dollars' worth."

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~  I was on vacation, playing the slot machines.
It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how
the machines operated.
 “Excuse me,” I said to a casino employee.
“How does this work?”
 The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin
button, and operate the release handle.
 “And where does the money come out?” I asked.
 He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying,
“Usually at the ATM.”

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~  As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a
clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers
with a running commentary about landmarks over the
PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater,
which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona.
It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly
150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons,
struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour,
scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction.
The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet
deep."
From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim,
"Wow! It just missed the highway!"

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~  The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion
is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.

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~  Doctors recommend walking as a means of keeping
fit, so why are physicians' parking spaces always the
closest to the hospital?"

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~  I've just seen a bunch of Mexicans packed into a tiny
Ford playing the macarana and eating tortillas.
 I think it was a Fiesta.

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 ~  A 16 year old redneck from Alabama was in church
marrying his pregnant 16 year old girlfriend when the
vicar said repeat after him, "With all my worldly goods
I thee endow."
 His mother turned to her husband and said,
"There goes the money from his paper route."

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~  My wife was nagging me again yesterday....
"If you were half a man, you'd take the kids to the circus."
If I was half a man, I'd be in the  circus!

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Todays thought:

"Work like you don't need money, love like you've
never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching."

Rae's Trivia.....

One of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World was a
lighthouse, the famous Pharos of Alexandria in Egypt.
Pharos was the first lighthouse in history, and is still the
tallest on record. (It was 450 feet high about the size
of a 45-story skyscraper.)

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Good Morning....
Foggy, light rain....
In the 70's today...
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Good looking breakfast......

The grits look good.....

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And a fine looking Otter!!

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Hey this Aisle has it all in one place.....

A "Mans" aisle.....

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Sorry...I forgot the cat Food.......

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That's for sure.........

Been there.. done that.....

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Good Advice....

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What can you say??

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If this is a "Super Hero",

we're in a heap of trouble.......

note the 6 pk......

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Honey Dipper.......

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Well it's that time.....

See you tomorrow......

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 ♥♥♥

~ Seven-year-old Hailey found a package of birth
control pills in the bathroom of her mother Suzanne.
"Mommy, what are these?" the girl asked. 
Suzanne answered, "Oh, I take those when I have a
headache. 
They're just for moms." 
Hailey studied the empty rows and replied,
"Looks like you've had a lot of headaches."

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~  Reading water meters in an unfamiliar part of town,
I came upon a house with no number. 
Then I noticed an elderly man gardening at the first
house on that block. "excuse me." I said to him. 
"Are you Number One?"
He smiled and replied, "My wife thinks so!"

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~  The religious cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he
was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the
Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth,
raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed,
"It's a miracle!"
 "Not really," said the cow.
"Your name is written inside the cover."

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~  My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
"I've just done sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me!.....
You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday,
my boyfriend will die!"
 I put down my paper: "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."

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~  I was driving back from a party with my wife when I
got pulled over by the police.
I wound down the window and he looked straight at my
wife and said to me " Have you been drinking sir?"
... She was not happy!

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 ~  The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in
Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that
 their brain is also important...

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~ The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her
Father always paused and bowed his head for a moment
before Starting his sermon. 
One day, she asked him why.  "Well, Honey," he began,
proud that his daughter was so Observant of his
messages. 
"I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good Sermon.
"  How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.

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~  If you believe in creation as proposed in the Bible,
Then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had
to have sex with one another for the Earth to have
become populated.
 This is surely proof that Alabama was at one time the
Garden of Eden.

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~  This boy working at a supermarket as a bagger
decided he wanted to work the juicer machine instead,
especially after working for a whole year as a bagger.
He went to his boss and asked if he could be promoted
to a juicer, his boss said, "
Sorry kid, baggers can't be juicers."

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 ~  Noah's diary: Day 39
Unicorn pie is  delicious!

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Todays Thought;

Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a
change. So suffering must become Love.
That is the mystery. - Katherine Mansfield

Rae's Trivia.....

SIGNING OFF......
"Good night, and good luck."  Possibly the most
 famous sign-off in TV history, this phrase was coined
by 1950s CBS News personality Edward R. Murrow
(Person to Person, See It Now). 
He had gotten his start on CBS Radio during World
War ll, broadcasting from the rooftops of London
buildings during the German blitz. 
With the line, Murrow was earnestly reaching out to the
 audience in an attempt to provide comfort. 

He kept the line after the war.

 

Good Saturday Morning.....
It is real foggy this morning...  
Cloudy with a 30 percent chance of showers.
Highs in the lower 70s....Today.
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A redneck fire Alarm.....

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In case you run out.......

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Birthday Party......

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He's mean until he gets his morning coffee...

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Okay....just checking.....

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It must have been really sad......

and down in the dumps.....

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Yep, it sure does.....

Friday the 13th.?

That's scary!....

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One way to trim a tree.......

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Hey! Are you above the Law??

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♥♥♥

~  A nurse had been doing twelve-hour shifts on the
medical/surgical unit. 
One night she finally got to enjoy a date at the movies
with her husband. 
As they were holding hands in the theater, he turned to
her and said, "Look, if you want to hold hands, fine. 
But quit taking my pulse, okay?"

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~  What i learned about wine tasting.....
a friend of mine, Pete who is quite the wine connoisseur
invited me to a wine tasting room last sunday morning.
He went on and on about how to swish, swirl, and smell
each wine.
After awhile i was catching a good buzz in fact after a
couple of hours i was getting messed up pretty good!
I really dont remember much of what he was teaching
me but what i really remember for the next time I go is
1st, dont go on an empty stomach (i did and regret it)
2nd, sip, dont gulp!... and

3d, most importantly never trust a fart!

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~ Mary: My friend Joe called me last night to complain
about his home life.
Jill: Really? What's the problem?
Mary: Oh, it's the usual.
His daughter's a teenager.
You know how teens can be!
Jill: Oh, yes, I do!
Mary: He said, "I can't get a break!......
My daughter's 14 and getting breasts,
and my wife's 48 and getting a moustache!"

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~  Bowling ball humor...
I worry about the germs in the holes of bowling balls.
Nobody cleans those holes.
There are years of impacted pizza fingers in there.
Taco fingers.
Chicken fingers.
I'm amazed those balls still have holes.
Ever smell a bowling ball hole?
You think the balls are knocking down the pins?
You're wrong.
The pins are passing out from the smell.
 

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 ~  The front door was accidentally left open and our dog
was gone.
After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband
got in the car and went looking for him.
 He drove around the neighborhood for some time with
no luck.
Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and
asked if they had seen our dog.
 "You mean the one following your car ?" they asked.

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~  Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean,
spied survivors of a sunken ship.
 "Follow me, son," the father shark said to the son
shark and they swam to the mass of people.
 "First we swim around them a few times with just the
tip of our fins showing.".....
And they did.
 "Well done, son!
 Now we swim around them a few more times with all of
our fins showing."
 And they did.
 "Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad,
why didn't we just eat them all at first?
Why did we swim around and around them?
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better
without the chit inside!"

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~  A senior in high school was failing his math class
which meant he would be inelligible to play in the
championship game.
The student, the coach, and the principal all put
 pressure on the math teacher until he folded.
"All right!" he snapped.
"I'll ask just one question.
If your boy can get it right, I'll give him a passing grade.
What is five plus five?"
 "Ten," said the young athlete after a moment or two.
And the coach cried, "Please give him one more chance!"

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~  A lawyer asked a boy called as a witness,
"Did anybody tell you what to say in court?" 
The boy said, "Yes, my dad did."
The lawyer frowned, "I see.  And what was that?" 
The boy said, "He told me that you would try to tangle
me up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be okay."

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Todays Thought:

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything.
 That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

Rae's Trivia......

The modern hypodermic needle was invented in 1853.
It was initially used for giving injections of morphine as
a painkiller.
Physicians mistakenly believed that morphine would
not be addictive if it bypassed the digestive tract.