Get ready for a wet, windy weekend..?
Partly sunny today... Patchy fog in the morning.
Isolated showers and thunderstorms in the afternoon.
Highs in the mid 80s.
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Yesterdays Sunrise, was a nice day...
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Here's your Grits, Pete.....
Don't that look good??
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So thats why it goes dry so fast..
How many of your friends come over??
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Yep, they said your a bad driver....
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You look so sorry.... Not!
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I don't mind the gas, but the worms.........
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Okay stop fooling around,, someones gonna get wet.....
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Okay, I will.... I'll take my dolls and go home.....
I won't play wif you anymore....
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BOY, That sounds like a winner....
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Yes you too....
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Anyone got some extra toilet paper??
I would be needing a lot.....
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♥♥♥
~ It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Pete was
beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming
shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker--
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back
up to the Men's Tee!"
Pete, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the
interruption.
Again the announcement--
"Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to
the Men's tee, PLEASE!"
Pete had had enough.
He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the
clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second
shot!"
beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming
shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker--
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee please back
up to the Men's Tee!"
Pete, still deep in his routine, seemed impervious to the
interruption.
Again the announcement--
"Would the man on the Ladies Tee kindly back up to
the Men's tee, PLEASE!"
Pete had had enough.
He turned and shouted, "Would the announcer in the
clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second
shot!"
☼
~ Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding!
They're all dead.
Sincerely......BP
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding!
They're all dead.
Sincerely......BP
☼
~ Golfing Realities...
(1) Golf balls are like eggs.
They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every
week you have to buy more.
(2) A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have
to have the income of a professional golfer to buy
anything in there.
(3) It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out
around the house will replace his divots,
repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
(4) When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice
that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf
than at 10:00 to mow the lawn?
(5) It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain
surgery.
On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a
cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain
surgery....
(1) Golf balls are like eggs.
They're white, they're sold by the dozen, and every
week you have to buy more.
(2) A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have
to have the income of a professional golfer to buy
anything in there.
(3) It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out
around the house will replace his divots,
repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
(4) When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice
that it's a lot easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf
than at 10:00 to mow the lawn?
(5) It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain
surgery.
On the other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a
cart, drink beer and eat hot dogs while performing brain
surgery....
☼
~ Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
~ Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus.
Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada
☼
~ After the earthquake yesterday Obama and the DNC
discovered three new faults:
1. Bush’s fault,
2. Tea party’s fault and,
3. Not my fault.
~ After the earthquake yesterday Obama and the DNC
discovered three new faults:
1. Bush’s fault,
2. Tea party’s fault and,
3. Not my fault.
☼
* After a lady’s car had leaked motor oil on her cement
driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it
up.
It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get
another bag to finish the job.
he clerk remembered her.
Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said,
“Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”
driveway, she bought a large bag of cat litter to soak it
up.
It worked so well, that she went back to the store to get
another bag to finish the job.
he clerk remembered her.
Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said,
“Lady, if that were my cat, I’d put him outside!”
☼
* The man was in no shape to drive,
so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped
by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?"
asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped
by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?"
asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?"
the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
☼
* Don't ever pay a surprise visit to a child in college.
You might be the one getting the surprise.
I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son's
campus during a business trip.
Locating what I thought was his fraternity house,
I rang the doorbell. "Yeah?" a voice called from inside.
"Does Dylan Houseman live here?"
"Yup," the voice answered.
"Leave him on the front porch.
We'll drag him in later."
You might be the one getting the surprise.
I learned this the hard way when I swung by my son's
campus during a business trip.
Locating what I thought was his fraternity house,
I rang the doorbell. "Yeah?" a voice called from inside.
"Does Dylan Houseman live here?"
"Yup," the voice answered.
"Leave him on the front porch.
We'll drag him in later."
☼
~ I joined a softball team.
Being the oldest player, and with less agility and ability,
I was relegated to play the outfield.
During one game, I kept hearing a loud voice yelling,
"Way to go, Mr. Hey!" and "You can do it Mr. Hey!"
I was amazed someone would know my name in this
strange city.
After the game, I located my wife and son and asked if
they knew who was yelling encouragement.
My son said, "Dad, it was me."
I asked why he was calling me Mr. Hey and he replied,
"I didn't want anyone to know we were related.
Being the oldest player, and with less agility and ability,
I was relegated to play the outfield.
During one game, I kept hearing a loud voice yelling,
"Way to go, Mr. Hey!" and "You can do it Mr. Hey!"
I was amazed someone would know my name in this
strange city.
After the game, I located my wife and son and asked if
they knew who was yelling encouragement.
My son said, "Dad, it was me."
I asked why he was calling me Mr. Hey and he replied,
"I didn't want anyone to know we were related.
☼
* My mother, a master of guilt trips, showed me a
photo of herself waiting by a phone that never rings.
"Mom, I call all the time." I said.
"If you had an answering machine, you'd know."
Soon after, my brother installed one for her.
When I called the next time, I got her machine:
"If you are a salesperson, press one.
If you're a friend, press two.
If you're my son who never calls, press 911
because the shock will probably give me a heart attack."
☼
photo of herself waiting by a phone that never rings.
"Mom, I call all the time." I said.
"If you had an answering machine, you'd know."
Soon after, my brother installed one for her.
When I called the next time, I got her machine:
"If you are a salesperson, press one.
If you're a friend, press two.
If you're my son who never calls, press 911
because the shock will probably give me a heart attack."
☼
☼
Todays Thought:
One of the most striking differences between a cat
and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. - Mark Twain
Rae's Trivia......
Playtex made U.S. history in May 1987 when TV
networks began airing its commercials showing women
wearing bras.
Prior to this, either torso mannequins were used,
or female models donned brassieres on top of their
outer clothing.
networks began airing its commercials showing women
wearing bras.
Prior to this, either torso mannequins were used,
or female models donned brassieres on top of their
outer clothing.
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