Down Hummingbird Lane

Partly sunny. Highs in the lower 90s.
Another Hot day....I read 100º yesterday...
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~  The Golf Couple A husband and wife are on the 9th
green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack!
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 000 on his mobile phone, talks for a
few minutes, picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly,
"they found a doctor on the second hole and he's
coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks
feebly .....
"No time at all," says her husband.
"Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."

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~  It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost
a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck
Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
 Pirates never were very smart.

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~  In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the
role of the town's animal Vet.
One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.
An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"
 "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?"
 the wife asked.
 "Both!" was the reply.
"We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a
burglar in it."

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~  A guy is walking down the street with his friend.
He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."
 His friend replies, "What do you mean?"
"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is
 a victim of inflation, and the combination of these
factors is putting me into a deep depression.

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~  Little Johnny's mother taught him to say 'whisper'
whenever he had to 'tinkle.'
One day Little Johnny's grandpa paid them a visit.
He was lying on the couch taking a nap when Little
Johnny came up to him and said, "Grandpa,
I have to whisper."
Without opening his eyes, his grandpa said,
"Whisper in my ear, son."
When Little Johnny's mom heard a yell that carried for s
everal blocks, she came running.
"What's the matter?" she cried.
Then, seeing Little Johnny she asked, "Did Little Johnny
have to whisper?"
"Yes!" the old man shouted, "Thank God he didn't
have to shout!"

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~  Actual argument between the wife and me:
Me: Do you want me to stop by the store and pick up the
things we need?
Wife: No, when you go shopping you ONLY buy the things
we need.
Me: Wait, WHAT??????

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~  Bill took his dog to the vet.
"Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have
to ask you to cut off my dog's tail."
 The vet stepped back, "Bill, why should I do such a
terrible thing?"
Bill replied, "Because my mother-in-law's arriving
tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think
she is welcome."

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~  Damn those Airports are strict now!
I was arrested at the airport.
Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I did was shout "Hi Jack".

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~  A Russian, an American and a Irishman were
talking about how good there country's are.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
 The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Irishman said, "So what? We're going to be the first
on the sun!"
The Russian shook his head and said, "You can't land
on the sun, you idiot!.... You'll burn up!"
 To which the Irishman replied, "We're not stupid,
you know........ We're going at night!"

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~  Know why New Yorkers are so depressed??
The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey...

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Pete's Thought for the day.....

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing
on the shore like an idiot.

Rae's Trivia....

Even if the stomach, the spleen, 80 percent of the
intestines, one kidney, one lung, and virtually every
organ from the pelvic and groin area are removed,
the human body can still survive.
And even if 80 percent of your liver were removed,
the remaining part would continue to function.
Within a few months, the liver would have reconstituted
itself to its original size!