Will be a mess this afternoon.... The BIG man comes to
town....to stump for his clone.....all the streets will be closed.
☼
Yesterdays Sunrise..... See...I get up early and get the picture
So you don't have too......
☼
All right, get off the phone!!
No texting before breakfast....
☼
Nice looking.....err, what is it??
☼
Even the Easter bunny doesn't know??
☼
You just better not, if you know whats good for you....
☼
The baby's are cold, gotta keep them warm....
☼
Not a good place to park......
☼
I wouldn't sit between these guys.....
Your taking you life in your hands....
☼
When I say "sit' I mean "Sit".
☼
Are you still on that phone??
☼
Bubba....I don't think that's a good Idea.....
☼
Well, I gotta go, anyone want a ride??
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ Here you go, Pete:
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers
to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in
the other, then calls the boy over and asks,
“Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber.
“That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young
boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied,
“Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
☼
~~ Driving to work, a Pete had to swerve to avoid a box that
fell out of a truck in front of him.
Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless
driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road.
The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box.
It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told Pete,
"but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, Pete asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."
☼
~~ A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him
to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says,
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?"
☼
~~ A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold
November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening ,
in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened ?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal,
one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was
eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!!
What did you do with them ?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
☼
~~ A woman reported the disappearance of her husband
to the police.
The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her,
and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any
message if they found him.
"Yes, please" she replied.
"Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
☼
~~ One dark night two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer
and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath,
"You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled.
"They misspelled my name!"
☼
~~ Sherry said; Last summer, my husband, took me camping
for the first time.
At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore.
One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods.
He tried the usual tactics to determine direction --
moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun
(it was an overcast day), etc., etc.
Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off
in the distance.
He pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and
led us right back to our camp.
"That was terrific," I said.
"How did you do it?"
"Simple," he replied.
"In this part of the country all the TV satellite dishes
point south."
☼
~~ While riding the rails at the age of 14, Robert Mitchum
was arrested in Georgia and sentenced to hard labor on a
chain gang.
After escaping (with rifle shots whizzing past his head),
Mitchum and his brother John began hitching and hopping
trains, heading west toward their sister's cottage.
In New Orleans, Robert made it onto a box car but John was
grabbed by a railroad cop.
"John eventually got to Long Beach [California],"
one biographer recalled, "exhausted, dirty, worn out.
He got to his sister's cottage and there was Robert,
taking a bubble bath, reading a detective magazine, and
smoking a cigar.
And he looked up at John and said, 'What kept you?'"
☼
~~ The new nun goes to her first confession.
She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.
The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity
of the confessional.
She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious,
Sister Bernadette.
Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels
on your way to the altar."
☼
~~ We recently moved from our home in the country to a
townhouse community, where double garages face the street.
I spent a lot of time in my garage during the moving process
and was glad to see the friendly way in which drivers waved
as they passed me.
It took me three days to realize they were reaching up for their
garage-door openers.
☼
~~ American film producer Irving Thalberg, at the behest of
Lionel Barrymore, once granted the young Clark Gable a
screen test for a role in one of his films.
Introductions were duly made and Barrymore awaited
Thalberg's verdict...
"Look at those big, batlike ears!" the producer exclaimed,
turning to Barrymore. "Forget it, Lionel!"
☼
☼
Todays Thought; "If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance." (George Bernard Shaw)
Sorry, Frankie, not scard!
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