Going to be another hot one... but windy because of a storm
thats on the other side of the mountains.
☼
Have an ice cream cone??
Cool lookin...
☼
Gotta watch these trees...their hungry....
☼
Shouldn't this be the other way around??
☼
Don't go near the crime scene...
☼
Man....That's gonna smart......
☼
Fundraiser for what...food??
☼
Looks like it.....
☼
I don't hear anything......
☼
Oh-Oh, hide your cookies.......
☼
An ATV I made years ago....
The kids loved it.....Drove it all over the farm...
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ "Everything's starting to click for me!" said Pete.
"My knees, my elbows, my neck … "
☼
~~ Part way through his dinner date,
my brother deduced the woman he was with was more
interested in his money than in him.
When the check came, he took out his credit card to pay
the bill and was not surprised to hear her gush,
"Is that a platinum card?"
"No," my brother replied dryly. "It's aluminum."
☼
~~ A teacher was reprimanding a teenager in the hall.
"Do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this
time?"
"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's
like I really don't like think like that's really important,
y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't like get
anything out of it."
"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.
☼
~~ I was checking out a job website when I found the
following gig, which left me wondering, how tough can it be?
" Morgue assistant. Job requirements:
Excellent customer-service skills."
☼
~~ Flashlights used by my National Guard unit can
withstand almost anything.
And to prove it, they come with a lifetime warranty.
Nevertheless, nothing is indestructible, which is why the
warranty also cautions, "Void with shark bites,
bear attacks and children under the age of five."
☼
~~ Sign in college library: "Quiet - you could disturb the
strain of thought."
☼
~~ Gus, who was really getting behind in paying his bills
finally received the following note from one of his creditors:
"Dear Sir, Your account has been on our books for over a
year.
We want to remind you that we have now carried you longer
than your mother did."
☼
~~ This young man was elated when he turned eighteen
in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for anyone seventeen
years of age and under.
He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay
out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted.
"Yes you can stay out as late as you want,
but the car is under eighteen and it has to be in the garage
by eleven," his father said.
☼
~~ The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the
attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible.
He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed
her.
She pushed him away.
"Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really," she said, softening.
"How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied.
"A jug, two apples and a vase."
☼
~~ My family is upbeat.
My two sons, Jake and Austin, are a handful.
So I wasn't surprised that Dad looked frazzled after we
took them to a football game.
"It will be a cold day in #@%* before we come to another
game," he muttered.
"Did you hear that?"
Jake shouted to Austin.
"Grandpa's going to take us to a game in December!"
☼
~~ Gus was not home at his usual hour,
and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.
Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door,
and as she stood at the top of the stairs,
there was Gus, drunk as a skunk,
trying to navigate the stairs.
"Do you realize what time it is," she said.
He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought
something for the house."
Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down
the stairs to meet him halfway, she said,
"What did you buy for the house, dear?"
His answer was, "A round of drinks!"
☼
~~ My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping
with her.
The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit,
exclaiming every time, "Mommy, you look beautiful."
A woman in the next fitting room called out,
"May I borrow your daughter for a moment?"
☼
☼
Todays Thought: There are three things we need for success: a backbone, a wishbone, and a funny bone.
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