Welcome to my piece of the world.......
Pete, going for the Chip beef gravy on biscuits
this morning....got tired of waiting for ya....
☼
Cooking breakfast??
Stove must be down....?
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Hey....no drinking stale beer after the party is over..
Smells like skunk pee......
☼
I guess they won't run outta drinks anytime soon...
☼
I don't care if he is a pet......this is a no-no..
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He can't figure what in the he**'s going on....
☼
^^ I guess he don't like his picture taken.^^
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Yeah....that gaiter is calling you....
wants you to join him for lunch.....
☼
Cat's don't like water...they don't even want to
get their feet wet.....
☼
Now this a weird picture.....
But good advertising...
☼
Not so good advertising..??
Oh, well.....
☼
"Pete" what did you do???
☼
Well, I guess it's time to go...after this one....
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ Chuck, Gus and Pete were moving furniture.
While Chuck and Gus were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe.
Chuck noticed that Pete was nowhere in sight."Gus, where's Pete?" asked Chuck.
"He should be helping us with this thing."
"He is helping," said Gus,
"He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place."
☼
~~ An old fellow fell in love with a lady.
He got down on his knees and told her there were two
things he would like to ask her.
She replied, "OK."
He said, "Will you marry me?" She replied, "Yes,"
then asked what his second question was.
He replied, "Will you help me up?"
☼
~~ Pete went to the doctor for a check-up.
He said, "I feel terrible.
Please examine me and tell me what is wrong."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor,
"Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said Pete?.
"I'm a teetotaler.
Never touch a drop."
"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.
"Never," replied Pete.
"Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no," said Pete.
"Sex is sin.
I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at Pete hard,
and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"
"Yes," said Pete...... "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor....... "That's your trouble.
Your halo is on too tight!!
☼
~~ Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper.
It doesn't permanently solve any problems,
but it makes thing more acceptable for awhile.
☼
~~ You may have noticed the increased amount of
notices for you to notice.
Some of our notices have not been noticed.
This is very noticeable.
It has been noticed that the responses to the notices
have been noticeably unnoticed.
This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and
respond to the notices because we do not want the
notices to go unnoticed.
- The Department of Notification.......
☼
~~ Gus: "Did you hear about the 88-year-old man and
the 79- year-old lady that got married last week?"
Pete: "Did they throw rice at them?"
Gus: "No, they threw vitamins!"
☼
~~ Groan....Q: Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
A: Because he wanted his diamondback.
☼
~~ Skipping down the hall with her parents,
was the cutest little blond girl wearing hot-pink Crocs.
One of the nurses walking down the same hall was wearing
those colourful printed scrubs that hospital staff often sport,
and when she passed the family, she said to the little girl,
"Wow! I sure like your shoes."
"Thank you!" the girl replied.
As she continued down the hall way, she added,
"And I sure like your jammies!"
☼
~~ Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at
the country club.
"We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's
hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Synder.
"Oh my," said Mrs. Jolson, "I'd better not go."
☼
~~ The flip-flop or thong shoe is thought to have been invented
by the Egyptians.
This thong shoe differed from the flip-flop of today in that the thong
strap went between the middle toe and either toe adjacent to it.
☼
~~ A young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field.
Being concerned about the farmer's soul the preacher asked the man,
"Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"
Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer
replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."
"You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you lost?"
"Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.
"Are you prepared for the resurrection?" the frustrated preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?"
Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied,
"It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."
Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow,
the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife.
She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."
☼
~~ A class from a nearby university was visiting a
major drug manufacturer.
The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room.
They could see several people in white lab coats.
With her back to the glass, the guide announced:
"In this room researchers are actively searching for
cures for disease."
She stopped short as the group broke out laughing.
Puzzled, the guide turned to look.
Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate,
flipping through the pages of a Pizza menu.
☼
☼
Todays Thought: Growing older is merely a matter of feeling
your corns rather than feeling your oats.
!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~♥~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!
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