# 1010

Good Morning, friends and readers.... Great weather yesterday...
No rain....maybe Sunday.....
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Yesterdays Sunrise...too early for todays...

Pete gets his an hour later...

But he gets the rain first......

The mountains are between us..

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How about a boneless omelet?

after all it's breakfast time..

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And a big slice of watermelon cake.....

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I don't know about these....

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Yea, a nice warm quilt.....

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Bad week end? was it fun?

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A break dancing cat?

Wait until Monday...

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Yeh, I seem to know a few....

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How long will he be there?

Last time I saw this the cat did a back flip..

Hit the floor, and hid for 3 hours....

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Want to go swimming?

Will cool you off....

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Really cool....

The Troll:Kim Graham and a group of volunteers finished a very large Paper Mache sculpture of a wonderful, benign Troll.

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~~ "Pete's neighbor asked if he could use his lawnmower and he told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of Pete's yard."

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~~ The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling,
the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married.
Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don't care who the groom is as
long as it's not Levi Johnston.

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~~ "Is your mother home?" the salesman asked Andrew.
"Yeah, she's home," Andrew said, scooting over to let him past.
The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again.
Still no one came to the door.
Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home!?"
Andrew replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."

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~~ Tommy bought a dog the other day.
He named him Stay.
It's fun to watch him call his dog...
"Come here, Stay!
Come here, Stay!"

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~~ Big Frank was having his hair styled at the hairdresser's when a truck
smashed into a car, outside.
Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips, Frank, an
ex-paratrooper corporal raced out to the car and found the driver unhurt.
The truck driver, however, was slumped over the wheel, unconscious.
Big Frank lost no time in applying his army acquired CPR techniques,
including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
The truck driver recovered consciousness several times, but kept passing out
again.
Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over,
and Frank returned to his barber's seat.
'I just don't understand why he kept passing out,' he said to the hairdresser.
'I did everything they taught me.'
'Well, put yourself in the truck driver's place, 'said the hairdresser.
'He's driving down the street without a care in the world.
The next thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy in a green cape
with a head full of wires pounding on his chest and kissing him.
You'd pass out too'

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~~ Chuck goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."
Chuck says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me,..
I said you look fat in those pants."

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~~ If there is H20 on the inside of the fire hydrant..
What is on the outside?
K-9...p

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~~ I've always been a disappointment.
When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighed...
when I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five.

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~~ Mary: "What position does your brother play on the school football team?"
Jay: "I think he's one of the drawbacks!"

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~~ kristal's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
She asked her mom, "Where'd we get him?"
Her mother replied, "He came from heaven, Kristal."
Kristal says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"

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Todays Thought: Life comes once only: No retake/replay/rewind/once-more, One should enjoy it, be happy & keep happy others too.

   
 
 
 
 
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Good Morning... Friends.... It was another hot day yesterday...
We had a t-storm, but it went around us.....
So still no rain...........☼

He's a good egg, huh?

But the boyfriend looks fried....

That's a yoke...

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Yeah....you bad...alright.

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Is that what it is.......

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He thought it was party time....

He's sloched......

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I know....I just threw it in........

To throw you off.......ha-ha

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He's saying....what the........

He didn't think it was funny.....ha-ha

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He thinks it's stupid......

Oh well I tried to be funny.....

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Talk about funny....he looks funny.....

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How many people does it take to break it down?

And how many fall off, going down the tracks??

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We he overloaded his truck.......

Time for me to go.....

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~~ A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra.

While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries.
Pete was telling me yesterday....Actually, I can vouch for that.
I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra.
When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas.

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~~ Quick thinking....
A young man took a farm girl into town for a date at a fancy restaurant.
While studying the menu she asked, "What's filet mignon?"
Thinking fast, her date replied, "It's pickled goat's liver.
Why?"

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~~ Some years ago I wouldn't say I was an alcoholic but the last time I gave
a pint of blood it had a head on it...........

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~~ After the government takes enough to balance the budget,
the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

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~~ Pete entered a drug store and asked the pharmacist if he had something
to cure hiccups.
The pharmacist promptly reached out and slapped the Pete's face.
"What did you do that for?" Pete asked.
"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"
"No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

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~~ "If dogs could talk, perhaps we’d find it just as hard to get along with
them as we do people."

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~~ WOMEN SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN AFTER 35
(This is one of those controversial statements but I fully stand behind it.)
Women should not have children after 35!
Some say, "Of course women can have children after 35!"
They don't know what they are talking about and I can guarantee they have
had very little experience in the matter.
I don't care what the doctor says.
I don't care what your friends say.
I don't even care what your pastor says.
Women should not have children after 35!
I don't advise it, I vehemently recommend against it,
and loudly and even at times rudely tell people "don't even consider it."
You can quote me on this.
If you want to say that I said it.
And I said it more than once.
"Women should not have children after 35!"
Some will send rude e-mails proclaiming the freedom of the womb but
I still stand by what I said.
You may disagree with me, that's your right.
I still stand firm on the issue.
With most things I keep an open mind but not on this issue.
If I find an exception to this rule, then I will be open to change but for now,
it's firmly closed because I have never seen an exception.
Women should not have children after 35!
35 children are enough!!

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~~ People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."

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~~ Dude in a bar stands up and announces....
"I just lost my wallet with $500 in it.
I'll give $200 to whoever gives it to me."
Guy at the end of the bar yells, "I'll give $300!"

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~~ Gus goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
living with for the last 55 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.
Gus says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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~~ "What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked his companion.
"I'm a scratch golfer...I write down all my good scores and scratch out all the bad ones."

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Todays Thought: "Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child."

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How's everyone this morning?? Still Hot-Hot....and no rain yet...
Any way you all have a great day.....
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Lets me in...I smell breakfast.....

Ands I want some of that ham....

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Well, there goes the morning coffee....

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I don't blame ya, let the dog do it.....

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Wonder what set them off?

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Now I see what scared them......

Damn... he is scary looking....

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Yes I buy my t-paper at a warehouse store....

Why you ask??

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He sez he hears something getting louder and louder...

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Opps..thats what he  heard coming......

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Hey....thats gonna leave a boo-boo......

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Well, time for a nap........

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~~ A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway.

While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
The biker drives on until he sees another car.
While passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"
"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"No, I haven't."
Then suddenly there is a curve, and the biker sees it too late.
He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.
Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"
"Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."
The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"

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~~ ODE TO A SHEDDING CAT.....
I think that I shall never see
A cat that sheds as much as thee
Thy fur that sticks is all around
On chairs, on mats in little mounds
I sweep the floor, you shed some more
I wash the rug and you just shrug
You should give thanks I tolerate that
Or you would be a crew-cut cat.


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~~ At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
"Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to
compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

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~~ Pete wasn't very good at spelling.
During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word
"new" on the blackboard.
"Now," she asked Pete, "what word would we have if we
placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Pete said, "Canoe?"

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~~ Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining aboutNurse Jenny.
"She's incredibly dumb.
She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor.
"Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours.
She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours...... He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing.
Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours.
She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!.... The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall.
"Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to
prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

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~~ whats the difference between a book and a booger?
the booger goes under the table.

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~~ A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed.
The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor.
The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells,
"Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!"
The drunk replies, "That's not a lion!..... It's a giraffe."

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~~ In 2004, Brian Price, a former inmate who once worked
in a prison kitchen in Huntsville, Texas, published a book
(Meals to Die For) featuring the recipes for many of the
220 "last meals" which he prepared for death row prisoners,
along with his personal recollections of their executions.
Among the recipes? "Post- mortem potato soup,"
"Uh-oh I'm dead meat loaf," and "Rice rigor mortis."

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~~ A college professor had the mysterious habit of removing a tennis ball
from his jacket pocket as he walked into the lecture hall each morning.
He would set it on the corner of the podium.
After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball,
place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room.
No one ever understood why he did this, until one day...
A student fell asleep during the lecture.
The professor didn't miss a word of his lecture while he walked over to the
podium, picked up the tennis ball, and threw it, hitting the sleeping student
squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket,
removed a baseball...
No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester.

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~~ Sir William Johnson (1715-1774)...administrator of American Indian affairs...once received a shipment of fine clothing from England - a shipment whose contents were greatly admired by the Mohawk chief Hendrick.
One day, Hendrick told Johnson about a dream which he had had - a dream in which Johnson had given him a sample.
Johnson, taking the hint, presented Hendrick with one of the finest outfits.
Some time later, Johnson told Hendrick that he too had had a dream - in which Hendrick had presented him with a certain tract of land on the Mohawk River, comprising some five thousand acres of fertile soil.
Hendrick dutifully presented the land to Johnson, but declared that they would no longer dream together.
"You," he lamented, "dream too hard for me, Sir William."

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Todays Thought: Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

  

Good morning....People.. How's it go?

Gonna be hot today....

The weatherman calls for some rain...

but we no see any....

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Sunrise....

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Looks like their having fun......

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So that's what that was.......

Not funny...puuu

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We was having a party.....and someone farted!

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Yeh, show them teeth....bite them...

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Yea, you look cool....

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He's got his cuddle pardner......

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Now these guys are cute....

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Don't worry I don't want your food!

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Only thing going on, is I gotta change my underwear....

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Did you forget to put the brakes on?

I bet you won't do that again!

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~~ got ran over by a rental truck today............Damn Hertz.......

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~~ An ideal summer day is when the sun is shining,
the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the
lawn mower is broken.

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~~ Gus learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting.
He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that
he would not be leaving with them.
He quickly scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk:
"I have a last-minute meeting...... Leave without me...... Gus."
At 7:00 p.m., Gus stopped back at his desk and found this note:
"Meet us at the bar and grill across the street........ You drove."

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~~ A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
Barbara sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
Barbara sees the same conductor walking again.
She leans out the window and yells,
"What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

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~~ You know you're dating the wrong guy when your friend steals your
boyfriend and all you can think is, What does she see in him?

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~~ Having clocked a motorist at a high rate of speed,
the officer pulls over the car and asks the driver what he
thought he was doing.
"I didn't mean to speed," replied the driver,
"I was only trying to get off the radar screen."

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~~ My favorite joke:
So this giraffe walks up to an elephant and goes, "Hey! Why the long face?"
Actually that isn't my favorite joke at all.

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~~Okay, try this one...
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
DWAYNE THE TUB! I'M DWOWNING!

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~~ A Redneck walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said,
"I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a
woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The Redneck said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in
a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that."
The Redneck said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the
difference."
She said, "You tell him....... He is the one shaving you."


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~~ A middle school in New Ipswich, New Hampshire, encourages freethinking.
A sign outside the school reads "You are unique—just like everyone else."

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~~ Marriage is like the witness protection program: you get new clothes,
you live in the suburbs and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

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~~ Life will be pretty bad when one reaches eighty,
especially if there is a state trooper behind the car.

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Todays Thought:  When you hire people who are smarter than you , you prove you are smarter than them.

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Good Morning, Friends and neighbors......

Well, not too bad yesterday, the heat has let up for

a couple days.... Still waiting for rain.....

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What!...I made your coffee....

Now I'm warming up.....

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Looks like this kitty has a warm bed.......

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Durn...I don't know about them glasses...

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Now this looks funny....

But it's a no-no....

Don't play around with compressed air.....

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Fo Shizzle right back at you.....

Little one......

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You whistle...he howls.....

you cool...

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Now this guy can howl, because he's a howler Monkey....

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This guy don't like to hear howlers.....

He'a a biter......

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I don't know where this critter falls in too....

I just don't know about him.....

Looks weird...

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How you all like my new shoes?

their made for walking....

so I'm outta here.....

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~~ A tax auditor went to a home for a meeting.

The door was opened by a girl of ten.
Seeing who it was, she called up to her mother.
"Ma, it's the tax man."
The mother called in, "Give him a chair."
The girl said, "If that's not enough, should I give him the couch and the table too?"

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~~ Banking is just like our government, a system of checks and balances,
if you want to cash a check, you have to have a balance.

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~~ My friend, a Virginia state trooper, stopped a woman for going 15 miles
over the speed limit.
After he handed her a ticket, she asked him, "Don't you give out warnings?"
"Yes, ma'am," he replied.
"They're all up and down the road.
They say, 'Speed Limit 55."

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~~ A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Von Bernuth, and sat down to explain his problem.
"Doctor, doctor!" he started.
"No need to repeat yourself, my good man," replied the doctor.
"One 'doctor' is enough."
"Yes, well, you see, I've got this problem," the man continued.
"I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog.
A large, white, hairy Pyrenees mountain dog.
It's crazy........ I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine complex," said the doctor soothingly.
"Come over here and lie down on the couch."
"Oh no, Doctor... I'm not allowed up on the furniture."

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~~ A sign outside a nursery: "It's spring! We're so excited, we wet our plants!"

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~~ It had been too long since we had cleaned under the refrigerator, said the repairman we called in to diagnose our cooling problem.
Once he explained that the motor underneath was gasping for air, my daughter, Arielle rallied us to the task.
Among the dust bunnies and half-eaten dog biscuits was a small magnet, part of a collection of magnetic words my children had played with years before.
"So it's true, then," said Arielle....."What is?" I asked.
"That you never know where you'll find it," she replied,
holding up the small magnet with the word "love" emblazoned across it.

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~~ I enrolled in an online school to become a private investigator.
I gave them my money, and then I never heard back from them.
I thought, Either I just got ripped off, or this is my first case.

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~~ On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed from both sides.
This procedure makes it available to larger crowds at popular movies, but usually the junior officers get a reverse image from "the wrong side of the screen."
One evening at dinnertime an enterprising young ensign passed the following word over the officer's IMC circuit:
"The movie to be shown in the wardroom tonight for the senior officers is on the right side of the screen - The Left-Handed Gun, starring Paul Newman."
"For the junior officers on the wrong side of the screen - The Right-Handed Gun, starring Namwen Luap."

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~~ At the age of sixteen, Ed Wynn decided to leave home to join a theater company.
His father was appalled.
"A son of mine on the stage? It's a disgrace!" he wailed.
"What if the neighbors find out?"
"I'll change my name," Ed volunteered.
"Change your name!" his father screamed..... "What if you're a success?
How will the neighbors know you're my son?"

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~~ On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently in a heated debate.
The man said something; and the woman seemed upset.
She started signing her reply very fast, to the point where the man couldn't understand a word; she also signed in big, wide gestures, which is the equivalent of volume.
Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands,
"silencing" her.
Then he signed, very small and slowly:
"You don't have to shout, I'm not blind."

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Todays Thought:  Never put off until tomorrow what you can forget about entirely.