We're going to have a great sunny day....
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Who in the H*LL wants bacon and eggs tattooed on the top
of your head??...... You "PETE"?
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He can't believe what he's looking at......
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You scared this kitty......
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More scared cats??
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You don't wanna mess with them...they will scratch you.....
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Must be very smart....
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You want to buy this program??
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In case you get caught short......
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This must be a good ride........
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♥♥♥
~~ Gus: I just spilled root beer all over the stove.
Pete: Oh great! Foam on the range.
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~~ DAUGHTER: Aw, shuck, ma......
Why do I have to wash my face again before dinner?
MOTHER: Because you've got a smudge on it, hon.
DAUGHTER: Why can't I just powder over it like you do?
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~~ A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds.
The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t
comfortable with that.
So the wife went on the ride by herself.
The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown
out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.”
Are you hurt?” he asked.”
Of course I’m hurt!” she replied.
“Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
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Sherry: Mom, you know you're always worried about me failing math?
Mom: Yes.
Sherry: Well, your worries are over.
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~~ Gus: My family says I'll never amount to anything!
Bobbie: Why, that's not true!
With your experience, you could be a wonderful "terrible example"!
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~~ Father: "Tell me how school went today.
How do you like it?"
Billy: "It's hard to like a place that's haunted, dad."
Father: "Haunted! What are you talking about?"
Billy: "It's that new teacher of mine, she keeps talking about the
school spirit!"
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~~ A third-grader came home from school recently and announced
jubilantly that his class had a substitute teacher."
And he has only two rules we have to follow," he said,
"sit down and shut up."
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~~ A mighty clash of egos marked production of the movie
The Magnificent Seven.
One of the stars, Yul Brynner, became convinced that costar
Steve McQueen was stealing scenes by manipulating his cowboy
hat while other actors were delivering their lines.
Brynner hired an extra to watch McQueen's hat during the filming and
report any suspicious moves.
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~~ When someone says, "You really don't look a day older,"
I'm tempted to ask, "than what?"
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~~ After I took a job at a small publishing house,
the first books I was assigned to edit were all on the topic of dieting.
"Isn't the market flooded with these types of books?"
I asked another editor.
"How do we expect to turn a profit?"
"Don't worry," he assured me.
"These books appeal to a wider audience than most."
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~~ During a court trial, a cocky woman witness refused to answer a
routine question " on the grounds that it might incriminate me "
Surprised, the judge asked her if her lawyer had advised her to refuse.
"Oh no, Your Honor," she replied. "I learned that on television."
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Todays Thought; Emotion is a universal language that everyone speaks and understands.
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