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Good breakfast this morning....
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No...No, no breakfast for you.....
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She's had her breakfast.......
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Answer, the question...why no cone??
☺
Damn it, Lets go swimming.....
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I an't going.......
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Watch out now.......
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He's lost his head....won't somebody put it back?
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Well, when I get outta here, I'll leave.....Drive safely....
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♥♥♥
~~ Red Skelton once performed a bit before a live television
audience in which a female volunteer placed her hand into his
pocket to retrieve something.
At one point, the latter remarked that she "felt silly" doing this.
"Go any deeper," Red replied, "and you will feel nuts!"
☺
~~ Henry Ford was once asked why, when problems arose,
he typically visited his executives on their own turf rather than
calling them into his office.
"To save time," Ford explained.
"I've found that I can leave the other fellow's office a lot quicker
than I can get him to leave mine."
☺
~~ A used-car salesman was waxing eloquent about the super
buy he was showing to a customer.
"You can't go wrong with this gem," he proclaimed as he started
the engine.
"It's the opportunity of a lifetime!"
"It must be," agreed the customer.
"I certainly do hear it knocking."
☺
~~ A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates
covered with leaves.
The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps
looking.
The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?"
The husband replies, "Autumn."
☺
~~ Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A: A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird.
☺
~~ It takes two to speak truth, one to speak and another to hear.
☺
~~ After twenty-five years of marriage, a husband took a long
look at his wife one day and said:
"Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car
and slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a
sexy twenty-six year-old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car and a big bed, but I'm
sleeping with a fifty-one-year-old woman.
It seems to me that you're not pulling your weight."
She replied calmly: "Then why don't you go out and find yourself
a sexy twenty-six-year-old blonde?
And if you do, I'll make sure that once again you'll be living in a
cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed."
☺
~~ "In Massachusetts, Republicans are upset over a new tax
hike on dogs.
It was slipped into a bill at the last minute by Democrats.
Democrats claim they're only going to be taxing dogs that make
over $250,000 a year, though." -Jay Leno
☺
~~ I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
The waiter then asked, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah," I replied, "she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
☺
~~ Putting down my riveting book on the Lincoln assassination,
I turned to my wife and explained how after shooting the
president, John Wilkes Booth leaped onto the Ford's Theatre
stage, raised his knife, and shouted the Virginia state motto.
My wife crinkled her eyebrows and asked, "‘Virginia is for lovers'?"
☺
☺
Todays Thought: "When elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers. "
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