.
Hey, Thats my breakfast....Bubba....
.
You think for one minute, I would let this thing crawl on me?
Not in your life.... it would be on the floor with shoe prints
on it.....
.
No snoring!!
.
Some cuties......
.
And they will get ya.....
.
I have a friend thats address is Hard to find.....
.
Oh, My.....I just don't know....
.
Give Monster his cookie back.....
.
Now this sounds right.....
.
~~
.
Well, time to get out of here.....
Later..
.
♥♥♥
~~ Dwell on this
The Wizard of Oz" is 70 years old.
A remake would not be as good.
If Dorothy were to encounter men with no brain, no heart,
and no courage today,
she wouldn't be in Oz, she'd be in Congress.
.
~~ "How about us spending a romantic weekend in a nice quiet
hotel?" he whispered in the beautiful lady's ear.
"I'm afraid," she said, "that my awareness of your proclivities in
the esoteric aspects of sexual behavior precludes you from
such erotic confrontation."
"Err..sorry...I don't get it?" he said.
"Exactly!!!" she replied.
.
~~ A patient at my daughter’s medical clinic filled out a form.
After Name and Address, the next question was
"Nearest Relative."
She wrote "Walking distance."
.
~~ Jenny was driving through the countryside while her
four-year-old daughter Mariah stared at the farm animals from
the vantage point of her car seat.
When the car passed by an abandoned farmstead, including a
ramshackle structure with caved-in sides, Mariah said,
"Look at that barn, Mommy.
Somebody let the air out of it."
.
~~ Garbage collectors were picking up our trash as my wife
walked back into our house.
A particular barrel was very heavy. "Lady, we can't take this,"
one man called out.
"It's way over the weight limit."
My wife turned her eight-month-pregnant figure toward him.
"It didn't seem that heavy when I carried it out," she said.
Without another word, the man emptied the barrel into the truck.
.
~~ If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't
know how to speak the natives' language, just say
"Poppy-oomy........" I bet it means something.
.
~~ When Elaina picked up her three-year-old son Billy from
preschool, he jumped into the car and said, "I'm glad you named
me Billy."
Elaina asked, "Why is that?"
The little boy said, "Cuz that's what everyone calls me."
.
~~ The labor and delivery nurse handed the newborn baby girl
to the father, who already had five girls.
"You sure know how to make pretty girls," she complimented him.
"Why, that was easy," he said, "I had the pattern in front of me
the whole time."
.
~~ My sex life is so bad that when I called one of those phone
sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight.
I have an earache."
.
~~ My sister Darlene has the courage -- but not always the skills
to tackle any home-repair project.
For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawn mower she
once tried to fix.
So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Jesse, and I
found Darlene attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver.
"I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained.
"Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it the lawn
mower?" Jesse suggested.
.
~~ A horse walked into a restaurant and ordered a well-done
cheeseburger with onions, pickle, relish, ketchup, and mustard.
The waiter brought the food to the horse, who finished it off with
great pleasure.
Noticing a cowboy staring at him as he ate, the horse said,
"I suppose you think it's strange that a horse should come into
a restaurant and order a well-done cheeseburger with onions,
pickle, relish, ketchup, and mustard."
"Not at all," the cowboy said. "I like it that way myself."
.
~~ My wife was grading a science test at home that she had
given to her elementary-school class and was reading some
of the results to me.
The subject was the human body, and the first question was:
Name one of the major functions of your skin."
One child wrote: "To keep people who look at you from throwing up."
.
.
Todays Thought: Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.
1 comment:
Holy Smoke! I'm with you on that huge, creepy centipede like creature...lol.
Suzzie :)
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