Getting ready for the weekend.....
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Leaves not changing colors yet......But won't be long.....
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PHfffTTTTTTTTT......take that....
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He picked up a hitchhiker........
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Sweet pea.......he's cool.........
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Fascination..........
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Yep....thems ugly.........
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Just what I need....then that Deer wouldn't get away.....
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Yes...keep your fingers........
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ENO, the man.......Yesssss
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♥♥♥
~~ Political conventions consist of a donkey, an elephant,
and a lot of bull.
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~~ There was the shotgun wedding, which for the young hillbilly
in question was a case of wife or death.
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~~ My mother-in-law recently moved to a seniors' residence
where they ask everyone to double-bag their garbage so it
doesn't spill or break on the way down the garbage chute.
Since she does little shopping herself, she's asked us to bring
her our used bags.
Living fifteen miles out of town, however, it isn't always
convenient for us to boost her supply.
So the next time we took her shopping, I explained the situation
to the cashier, who kindly gave us a handful of extra bags.
The next day, my mother- in-law called.
"Robert, can you please bring over some plastic shopping bags?"
"But, Mother," I said, puzzled, "you got 30 extra bags yesterday."
"Oh, no, dear," she replied. "I can't use those for garbage.
They're brand new!"
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~~ A drunk driver tried to avoid arrest by leaping into the back
of his moving car during a chase in the Australian outback.
Police in the Northern Territory town of Katherine were stunned
when they realised the 24-year-old driver had abandoned the
controls and jumped on to the back seat with his three passengers
in an apparent attempt to fool officers.
The runaway car continued for 150 metres (164 yards) at
25mph before police on foot ran it down and applied the brakes.
Police said the driver panicked when they tried to pull him over
for a random breath test.
.
~~ Big Jake was having his long hair styled at the hairdresser's
when a bus smashed into a car, outside.
Draped in a cape, his hair divided with aluminium clips,
Jake, an ex-paratrooper corporal raced out to the bus and
found the driver unhurt.
The car driver, however, was slumped over the wheel,
unconscious.
Big Jake lost no time in applying his army acquired CPR
techniques, including mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
The car driver recovered consciousness several times,
but kept passing out again.
Soon the ambulance arrived with the paramedics and took over,
and Jake returned to his hairdresser's seat.
'I just don't understand why he kept passing out,' he said to
the hairdresser....... 'I did everything they taught me.'
Well, put yourself in the car driver's place, 'said the hairdresser.
'He's driving down the street without a care in the world.
The next thing he knows, he's waking up to see some big guy
in a green cape with a head full of wires pounding on his chest
and kissing him........ You'd pass out too'.
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~~ A corporation president entered his large limousine.
"Ah I have a new driver," he observed.
"What's your name?"
"Charles, sir,"
"Sorry, but I never call my employees by their first names,"
said the executive. "And what is your last name?"
"It's Darling, sir."
" Well, drive on, Charles."
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~~ As part of a nightclub act, Carol Channing sometimes
encouraged the members of the audience to ask her personal
questions.
"Do you remember the most embarrassing moment you ever had?"
asked one man.
"Yes, I do," replied Miss Channing.....
"Next question?"
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~~ A parrot flies into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the parrot a drink.
The parrot complains: "Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"
The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and the
parrot is satisfied.
The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.
After the parrot has left, a man sitting next to it says to the
bartender:
"Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"
And the bartender replies:
"So! Anyone can forget the little umbrella sometimes!"
.
~~ The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to
work hard at low pay for long hours.
The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad,
"When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil;
and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
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~~ I was at work in a military hospital when a young private
was brought in.
The nurse took his vitals and information, then told him,
"Don't worry. You'll soon be feeling better.
We're giving you plasma."
"Good" said, the private.
"I don't like watching TV on those old sets.
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~~ Like other religious leaders of his time, Protestant reformer
Martin Luther followed a strict moral code.
But he had limits of proper behavior.
To a friend who was even more upright in his moral conduct,
Luther exclaimed, "Go and sin a little.
Doesn't God deserve to have something to forgive you for?"
.
~~ Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than
dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during
his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking
at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked,
"Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said, "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by
slamming down the phone.
.
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Todays Thought: Every day holds the possibility of a miracle.
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