Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Well....Good Morning...Friends..
Hope the week is going good for you....
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I thing he should have took it easy around the curve........
Oh Well...the house needed some new roofing anyway....
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He's greedy..........................................
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Anyone want a heart attack ? You'll need a Rooter job after this.....
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Brown cow.....................................
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Reach out and touch someone...... These guys are boomers......
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Damn...He's hung over, and youall's gotta make all that noise.....??
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He thinks it's funny....................................
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♥♥♥
~~~ One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don't let me be late to church.
Please don't let me be late to church...."
As she was running she tripped and fell.
When she got back up she began praying again...
"Please, God don't let me be late to church -- but don't shove me either!
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~~~ It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!"
The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.
"Where is he?" she asked.
"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.
The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.
"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly.
"And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"
"The dresser!" screamed the old lady.
"Try standing on the dresser!"
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~~~ A guy down at the club asks me, hey, Pete, what do women really want out of life.
Pete says security, that's the ticket. he says.
And how do you know that, I replied.
Because everytime I approach one at the bar, she starts yelling, SECURUTY SECURITY SECURITY !!
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~~~ I recently bought a bottle of brown sauce which carried the warning 'Do not use if seal is broken'.
As soon as I opened it, the seal broke, immediately rendering it unusable.
I was wondering, how many other old geezers like me have fallen for this evil scam?
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~~~ At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it:
To My One And Only Love.
That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again."
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~~~ President Theodore Roosevelt's enthusiasm for exercise posed a continual challenge to Washington's diplomatic corps.
On one White House visit, Jusserand (medieval English scholar and diplomat) was invited - after two sets of tennis - to go jogging.
A workout with the medicine ball followed.
Then, his guest's enthusiasm apparently flagging,
Roosevelt asked, "What would you like to do now?"
"If it's all the same to you," the exhausted Jasserand sighed, "lie down and die."
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~~~ The two commuters struck up a conversation on the economic situation of the country. "It's hard to collect money," said Gus.
"How do you know?" asked Pete.
"Are you a collector?"
"No" said Gus........... "But lots of people have tried to collect money from me lately."
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Todays Thoughts: If everything is under control, you're moving too slowly.
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