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You call that rain?.....You just wait.............................................
I like the rain....more the better..................................................
Just as long as I can keep my head above the water....................
Were, oh were is all that water??.. we's don't see it?.................
We like cold and lots water.........................................................
Is it safe to come out yet??.........................................................
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Bobbie saz....I feel inadequate when talking with a mechanic, so when my vehicle started making a strange noise, I sought help from a friend.
A car nut, he told me how to explain the difficulty when I took it in for repair.
At the shop, I proudly recited, "The timing is off, and there are premature detonations, which may damage the valves."
As I smugly glanced over the mechanic's shoulder, I saw him write on his clipboard,
"Lady says it makes a funny noise."
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A steak fanatic, Gus always picks out cuts that include a bone because he loves to nible on it.
One night Gus and I were finishing our dinners at a steakhouse, and I could tell he wanted to start gnawing on the bone.
But he couldn't bear to do so in public.
"Excuse me," he said, calling the waitress over, "would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?"
Gus has never owned a dog in his life, but the while lie seemed a tactful solution to his dilemma.
A few minutes later the waitress returned to our table.
"Here's your bone sir," she said, handing over a large package.
"And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few more out of the scrap bucket."
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Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.
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Two actors were discussing their jobs.
One actor, whose conceit far exceeded his talent, commented to the other actor, "You know, at my last performance I had the audience glued to their seats!"
"Really?" replied the other.
"How very clever of you to think of doing it!"
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Teaching is not for sensitive souls.
While reviewing future, past, and present tenses my friends ninth-grade English class, She posed the question, "I am beautiful is what tense?"
One student raised her hand.
"Past tense."
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On The teachers birthday her class prepared a surprise .
When she entered the darkened room, they all shouted"Happy Birthday!"
She sat on a specially decorated chair and watched as four students struggled in carrying a large and apparently heavy box.
Muscles straining, they heaved it onto her lap, proclaiming excitedly that it was exactly what she wanted.
The students gathered around her, and she opened her present.
"It's empty!" she explained.
"No, it's not!" they objected.
"It's filled with peace and quiet."
And with that, they fell silent.
Don't flush the toilet when your dad's in the shower...
Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
Learn to say kind words, nobody resents them...
I can lie convincingly about my age because at my age I can't always remember what it is.
If you jog backward, will you gain weight?
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