Saturday, February 13, 2016


"I blame my mother for my poor sex life.
All she told me was, 'The man goes on top and the woman
For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."
SON: [Stood by tree with apple on head] Dad, what ever
happened to my three younger brothers?
 WILLIAM TELL: [Aiming arrow] ....Chicken pox..
My wife complained that I treat her like a child.
I didn't know how to react, so I gave her a gold star
and a smiley face sticker for standing up for herself.
Dear Windshield Wipers, Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle In The Middle..
Mosquitoes are like dirty used needles that can fly.
"I am not a human garbage disposal"
*eats leftover mac n cheese anyway*
*makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally
swallowing fork*
Lost in a snow storm...
I decided to follow the tail lights of the car in front of me.
it was all I could see.
When that car slowed ,
I slowed, when it stopped, I stopped.
when it turned, I turned.
Finally, it stopped short, and I ran into it.
I jumped out and started yelling, " You just stopped
without any warning!".
The other driver stepped out and told me,
"I am in my own garage.".
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about
how much tougher Popeye would've been if he'd eaten
fresh spinach instead of canned.
Yosemite Sam would have used the N-word.
Side effects of Cialis may include dragging 2 bath tubs
outside to sit in to watch the sunset with your confused
but supportive partner.
A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman.
He asked, "Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only
one speeding."
The police replied, "Have you ever been fishing?"
The man then said, "yes".
"Have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman.