Friday, January 29, 2016


I told my doctor that I took a whole bottle of sleeping pills,
he told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
A Greene county man was standing admiring the beauty
of Niagara Falls when a New Yorker standing next to him
said sarcastically: "I bet you don't have anything like this
in Greene."
"No," said the Virginian , "but we've got plumbers who
could fix it!"
A male elephant sees a beautiful female elephant stroll
over to the watering hole.
"Wow!" he exclaims to the other males, "look at that figure:
3600, 2400, 3600."
According to the most current magazine…
in my doctor's office, every home in America will have
a television by 1962..
Fred: "I can't believe Ben is in the hospital.
Just yesterday, I saw him with a gorgeous blonde."
Bob: "So did his wife."
[introducing myself to new girlfriends parents]
"Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.
Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's
okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act
together and become hot.
Why do people point out their dog is adopted?
Are they worried we’ll become suspicious because it
doesn’t look like them?
I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast
across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about
to close.