Thursday, December 10, 2015


You know you're getting older when it takes
you longer to get over having a good time than
it took to have it!
A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of
contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her
voice begins warbling, her hands float up above
the table, and she begins moaning.
Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying,
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of
her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, grandmother?",
the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you,
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother,
I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak
At my age rolling out of bed in the morning is
easy...getting up off the floor is another story.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of
sleeping pills.
They made him blink.
Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she
thought I said rum and Coke.
Boss: 5 times?
Me: Yeah I guess.
 B: .....
Wife ask –
why in all marriages girl sits on left side and
 boy on right side?
Husband replies –
According to profit and loss statement a/c all
 income is on right side and expenses are on
 left side”…..
Happy Holidays
Close the door.
You're letting the wifi out.
*Enters $100 daily Fitbit challenge*
*Pays marathon runner $20 to wear my Fitbit*
 *Buys $80 worth of donuts*
I don't do drugs.
At my age I get the same effect
just standing up fast.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.
It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.
My girlfriend was devastated to find out that
my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because
I’m terrible at tennis.
runs into long lost friend.....
Him- I started out on the bottom now I'm a
district MGR.
what do you do?
Me- I disappoint people..