Monday, December 7, 2015


 haha... remember when you were a kid you'd
 hide inside the clothes racks at stores.
can't do that as an adult.
someone's stupid kid is in there.....
You'd think that atoms bonding with other
atoms would mean they're being friendly,
but really they steal each other's electrons.
My friend called me from a private number
last night, so I just returned the favor by
knocking on his door with a ski mask on. 
My neighbor can't understand why he just
found human shit on his front porch.
I can't understand why he would use a power
saw at 5:48 am.
Relationship status:
Negotiating with the dog
to lease space in his flat.
I shit my pants last night.
I was having a beer in an airport bar when a
muslim rushed in screaming, "Allah, Allah, Allah,
Allah, Allah... alava coke, please.."
 Stuttering Bastard!!!!
If by 'paleontologist' you mean I can name all
5 shapes in the box of dinosaur chicken
nuggets then, yes, I am a paleontologist.
I'm going to hell....
But, if I'm going to hell, I hope I go to
Muslim hell.
They probably only serve bacon.
Never trust a psychic wearing a band-aid,
they should have seen that shit coming..
A muslim suspect was being grilled by L.A.
"Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said.
"I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I
could sleep with 72 virgins.
All I said was I'm dying to get laid!" 
He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.