Friday, December 4, 2015


Never underestimate the power of three things;
1. Wife angry for a reason;
2. Wife angry without reason and
3. Wife about to get angry & looking for a
Employee to his boss,
“Sir,Increase my salary, I got married recently.”
The boss replied,
“The Company cannot compensate for the
accidents happened outside of the company.”
Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream
That u were sending me Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill !!!
 WIFE: need to talk when u get home..
 ME: about what..
 WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home..
 ME: *never goes home*
"I wasn't that drunk..."
"Dude, you were driving your truck around the
Walmart parking lot trying to find your truck."
We Indians will bury the hatchet and teach you
to farm.
*Pilgrims huddle* It's a ruse, this soil looks
awful for growing hatchets.
Me: *mocks parents for not understanding
Me:*has to google how to make an omelette*
[takes a sip at wine tasting]
Ah yes, this is nice.
You can really taste the wet dog and Code
Red Mountain Dew.
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee
break about being outlate the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife
was asleep when I got home, so I was able to
sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back,
"Boy you're lucky.
My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed,
and she started swearing at me and giving me
hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
I can't take my dog to the pond
because the ducks keep attacking
Guess that's what get for buying a pure bread
Wow, your teeth are white.
I'm just curious, what color were you expecting?