Saturday, November 14, 2015


Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing
one another for almost a decade.
Utkarsh: "What are you doing these days?"
Sparsh: "PHD."
Utkarsh: "Wow! You're a doctor!"
Sparsh: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted
to go fishing.
He called the royal weather forecaster and
inquired as to the weather forecast for the next
few hours.
The weatherman assured him that there was no
chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.
On the way he met a farmer on his donkey.
Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your
Majesty, you should return to the palace at once
because in just a short time I expect a huge
amount of rain to fall in this area".
The king was polite and considerate, he replied:
"I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard.
He is an extensively educated and experienced
Besides, I pay him very high wages.
He gave me a very different forecast.
I trust him and I will continue on my way."
So he continued on his way.
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell
from the sky.
The King and Queen were totally soaked......
and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them
in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and
gave the order to fire the weatherman at once!
Then he summoned the farmer and offered him
the prestigious and high paying role of royal
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know
anything about forecasting.
I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means
with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey.
And so began the practice of hiring asses to
work in the government, and ...occupy its highest
and most influential positions.....
 and which later became the symbol for the
Democrat party.
Thus ends your knowledge lesson for today.......
You have a very large package downstairs."
I really need to work on how I word things to the
men around this office.
If someone's embarrassed just tell them an
astronaut did the same thing.
For example, "It's ok, Buzz Aldren once shit
himself in an Arby's"
*tries to take off date's bra*
 If you-
 *tries again*
 If you would take off the hulk gloves this would
be easier
 *looks up*
 NEVER ...
My wife just told me she thinks my brother is
really ugly.
I wouldn't mind, but he's my identical twin...
They call it a recession..
I call it depression ..
I went from a Lamborghini to a Kia......
The doctor took his patient into the room and
said, "I have some good news and some bad
The patient said, "Give me the good news."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1) Crimes
2) Accidents
3) Marriages
Need I say more?