Saturday, October 17, 2015


What's the difference between
a sumo wrestler and a feminist ?
A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
My neighbor's dog shit in our yard.
My wife said, "Get the shovel and throw it into
their yard."
Not sure what good that did.
The dog shit is still in our yard and my neighbor
has my shovel.
It concerns me when someone comes out of
the bathroom stall and has to wash their hands
all the way up to their elbows..
A mother was talking to her preschooler.
"Who is your favorite singer?" she asked.
The little girl quickly replied, "Jennifer Low Pants."
family member: what are you doing with your life?
me: it’s a surprise......
I was at McDonald's and had to use the toilet..
As I walked into the stall, there was a sign that
read 'only toilet paper to be flushed down the
Not wanting to disobey any rules I played it safe
and took a huge McShit in the sink.
Husband: Oh my gosh, I almost ran over a man
from Miami!
Wife: How do you know he was from Miami?
Husband: He kept screaming something that
sounded like "Sunny beaches!"
My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey
about me uncorking my wine in his office.
He needs to make up his mind.
Hey girl, Did you fall from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Pretty sure marriage was invented to help
people overcome their fear of death.