Saturday, October 31, 2015



The jack-o-lantern should be the symbol for a
politician; a head with nothing in it.
- Milton Berle
I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on
my back hair, now I can't sleep.
I thought you'd be flattered…
that my dog found your leg so attractive.
White smoke from under the hood…
either my starter went out or my car has elected
a new Pope.
Will Ferrell can you please stop getting naked
In your movies.
 My girlfriend says you have a better body than
me and its embarrassing....
[first date]
HER: You smell so good.
What are you wearing?
ME: *nodding and sniffing myself*
Mashed potatoes with gravy.
I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga
party dressed as a goat.
My brother was a victim of his own success.
He died when his trophy cabinet fell on him.
I often find myself singing in the shower,
which can be extremely frightening.
Is he a clone!?
What is this place!
I don't believe that twitter is the place for
We all have family for that..
I forgot to pay my exorcist
and ended up being repossessed.
"Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger
"Very good sir"
[ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the
kitchen & body slams me]
*Goes to Czechoslovakia to shop for a car with
Automatic Braking System....
*Czechs for ABS..
*Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with
This one doesn't listen anymore...
Can I get a new one?