Down Hummingbird Lane

☺☺

 

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♥

The jack-o-lantern should be the symbol for a
politician; a head with nothing in it.
- Milton Berle

 

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I did it again, I put way too much hairspray on
my back hair, now I can't sleep.

 

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I thought you'd be flattered…
that my dog found your leg so attractive.

 

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White smoke from under the hood…
either my starter went out or my car has elected
a new Pope.

 

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Will Ferrell can you please stop getting naked
In your movies.
 My girlfriend says you have a better body than
me and its embarrassing....

 

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[first date]
HER: You smell so good.
What are you wearing?
ME: *nodding and sniffing myself*
Mashed potatoes with gravy.

 

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I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga
party dressed as a goat.

 

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My brother was a victim of his own success.
He died when his trophy cabinet fell on him.

 

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I often find myself singing in the shower,
which can be extremely frightening.

 

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Is he a clone!?
What is this place!
SOMEBODY HELP ME.

 

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I don't believe that twitter is the place for
arguments.
We all have family for that..

 

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I forgot to pay my exorcist
and ended up being repossessed.

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"Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger
challenge"
"Very good sir"
[ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the
kitchen & body slams me]

 

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*Goes to Czechoslovakia to shop for a car with
Automatic Braking System....
*Czechs for ABS..

 

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*Brings 8 year old back to hospital nursery with
receipt*
This one doesn't listen anymore...
Can I get a new one?

 

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