Friday, July 3, 2015



Why is the small size of a candy bar the "fun size"? 
It's more fun to eat a big candy bar? 

ATTENTION: We will be performing live power 
tool identification exercises today. 
This is not a drill. 

Extreme work pressure. 
An employee pulls over to the side of the road and 
opens his lunch box to see whether he is going to work, 
or coming back from work. 

Just took a short nap, although I wouldn't 
exactly call it a cat nap since I didn't lay on 
anyone's clothes or laptop like a total a**hole.

My girlfriend broke up with me because 
I stole her wheelchair. 
It's ok though, she always comes crawling back.

Dear neighbor.. 
who mows his yard early in the morning 
tomorrow, I found my bagpipes for tonight. 

It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain. 
It was more of a Domino effect....

All the people that tried partying 'til the cows come home, 
are either stuck at home with a cow or dead from 

One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan 
Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for 
breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the 
counter looked kind of exhausted. 
After I gave him my order, he asked me how I 
wanted my eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, I said 
cheerfully, "Oh, whatever is easiest for you."
With that, he took two eggs, cracked them open 
onto my plate and handed it back to me....

My favorite thing about camping is when 
I stay home and don't.