Monday, June 29, 2015

Ugly Dog...


I was going through airport customs and they asked me, 
"Do you have any firearms?" 
Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the answer they 
were looking for.

If Plan A doesn't work, don't sweat it. 
There are 25 more letters in the alphabet. 

A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to 
construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, 
 There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand 
and said he could make a sentence with them; 
"The cow jumped over defense and detail went 
over defeat."

She wanted more communication and I wanted 
So we compromised and now we communicate 
more or less....

The early bird gets the worm. 
But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 

“Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations.”

My doctor told me: 
"I can't do any thing for your illness, it's hereditary."
I told him to send the bill to my father.....

You might be a redneck if...
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil 
as the "day my ship came in."
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan. 
Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at 
a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill. 
You own all the components of soap on a rope 
except the soap. 
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em 
in the shade. 
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen. 
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. 
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

A homeowner hears a knock at the door. 
 "Who's there" 
 "Atch Who?" 
 "God Bless You" 

You know that tingly little feeling you get when 
you really like someone? 
That’s common sense leaving your body.