••
♥
A senior citizen was kinda bored with retirement,
so he decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign outside that says, 'Get treatment for $50,
if not cured get back $100."
A local doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to show up
the guy and earn a quick $100, so he visits the clinic.
Patient (doctor): I have lost my sense of taste.
Sr. Citizen: Nurse, bring the medicine from box No 22 and
place 3 drops in the patients mouth.
Patient (doctor): Spits out the medicine and says "Hey!!
This is not medicine, it's gasoline."
Sr. Citizen: Congratulations! .. you're cured!
You have your taste back....that will be $50.
The Doctor gets annoyed at losing to the Sr. Citizen, and so
he returns after several days determined to recover his money.
Doctor : I seem to have lost my memory and I can't remember
a thing.
Sr. Citizen: Nurse, bring the medicine from box No 22 and
put 3 drops In the patients mouth.
Doctor: "But that medicine is for the sense of taste!!"
Sr. Citizen: "Congratulations! Your memory is back ..
that'll be $50!"
The Doctor leaves again, but after several days angrily
returns for one last try, and more determined than ever
to recover his money.
Sr. Citizen: "So what seems to be the problem?"
Doctor : "My eyesight has suddenly become very weak".
Sr. Citizen: "Well, seems I don't have any medicine for that.
Here, take this $100 and go."
Doctor : ...."But this is only a $10 bill!!"
Sr. Citizen: "Congratulations, your eyesight has gotten
a lot better!!....That will be $50......
••
Accidentally cut a guy off on the freeway.
He was pretty good about it though.
He pulled up alongside me and gave me half a peace sign.
••
I was wondering..................
Do women shake the nozzle on the gas hose when they're
done filling, or is that just a guy thing?
••
My wife said,
"I've noticed that your new secretary is very pretty and wears
a short skirt."
I said, "Sorry dear - she's not into women."
••
I saw a string hanging down from my wife's legs,
so I did the only thing I knew....
I pulled it and it said, "The cow says...... MOOOOOOOO......"
••
My chiropractor told me my main problem is
that I don't walk fully erect.
I told him, if I start walking out in public fully erect, pain in
my back will be the least of my problems.....
••
At a four way stop,
It's obvious that the vehicle bearing the most
Duct Tape goes first.
••
My neighbor She's single...
She lives right across the street.
I can see her house from my living room.
I watched as she got home from work this evening.
I was surprised when she walked across the street and
up my driveway.
She knocked on my door...
I rushed to open it.
She looks at me, and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny!
I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and
make love all night long!
Are you busy tonight?"
I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free... I have no plans at all!"
Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"
••
I hope the next time I move I get a real easy
phone number, something that's real easy to
remember.
Something like two two two two two two two.
I would say "Sweet."
And then people would say, "Gus, how do I get a
hold of you?"
I'd say, "Just press two for a while and when I
answer, you will know you have pressed two
enough."
••
Me: would you wear shoes if you had no feet?
Girl: No,of coarse not
Me: Then why do you wear bras?
••
Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher, untied by a lawyer.
••••
