Thursday, May 14, 2015


If  Verizon didn’t want me changing my neighbor’s channels 
through their windows they shouldn’t have given us all the 
same remotes.

A recent study showed that 4 out of 5 dentists think 20% 
of dentists have no idea what they're talking about.

Do you know what happened back in 1850, in CA 
California became a state. 
The State had no electricity. 
The State had no money. 
Almost everyone spoke Spanish. 
There were gun fights in the streets. 
So basically, it was just like California today except the 
women had real breasts and the men didn't hold hands. 

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oswald who?
Oswald my chewing gum!

you know your a redneck when you fall and the first thing 
you save is your beer.

Dad gets upset when he sees his son busy stitching a button 
to the trouser. 
He says "Son you are married, you have a wife for such things, 
I can't believe that you still have to stitch a button to your 
own pants". 
Son replies, " sorry dad you are wrong, it's HER pants" 

I was visiting New York city when I met my friend Elaine Fu 
who was studying there. 
We were walking around Manhattan when Fu suddenly 
exclaimed, "I feel so proud of my country when I see all those 
flags fluttering!"
I said, "Hey Elaine, are you not Chinese? 
Why are you so proud of the American flags?"
"Haha", chuckled Elaine Fu. 
"Guess you did not notice the labels!"

Mrs. Higgins was seated in first class of a Kingfisher Airlines 
flight to LA. 
She saw the cockpit door open and was surprised to see the 
pilot reading a book. 
She asked the air-hostess, "Why is the pilot busy reading?"
Mrs. Higgins passed out when the air-hostess replied, 
"Oh, he is just preparing for his pilot's license."

According to reports, Americans will spend $700 
million on their pets this Valentine’s Day. 
Said your dog, “This is moving a little fast, what 
ever happened to man’s best FRIEND?”

HR Consultant: "Here's my final consulting 
report on your company. 
I've listed all the dead-weight employees who 
should be fired."
Boss: "This is the company directory."
HR Consultant: "Finding that was a huge 

I'm using an old Indian trick in order to wake myself up early: 
Eating several large curries right before bed....